Okay, it's the end of the week and you've got no money. Eksakto na lang na pamasahe pauwi. Then, kuya texted. "Punta ka ng Makati, dali." Hmm. Kuya, wala akong pera. So, what do I do? Galawin muna ang pang-laundry dahil minamadali ako ni kuya. So, I go, in a cab, to G4, where my kuya would meet me daw. We went this thing then, hmm, ayaw pa daw niya umuwi. "Merienda tayo." Kuya, I only have 20 bucks in my wallet. Eto, ang solid na sagot ng pinakamamahal kong kuya: "Ano ka ba? Ako nang bahala sa 'yo." YES!!! Astig talaga ni kuya!!! Nilibre ako...hanggang DINNER with matching yosi (di ako nagdadala pauwi--Mommy alert)and COFFEE to boot!!! Kuya, nakaka-ilang entry ka na dito!!! Basta, I LOVE YOU, grabe!!! Ang bait mo!!! You always got my back covered! MWAAAAHH!!!
Eto pa, what do you do when wala kang magawa at....???
Basta, eh, di talk to SOMEONE! =)
Slept at 3 am, still it was raining...but I studied theo to make sure. The rain wasn't that hard, anyway. So, I slept, intending to wake up at 730 so that I can make it to class on time. I was still in dream land, when my cel rang...I woke up, my mind still trying to focus and my hands trying to figure out where my phone was. OK, got it. Not even looking at who was calling, I just talked. "Hello?" GOOD MORNING! What a wake up call. Wala na namang pasok! Walang theo!!! So, anyway...nag-sink in...and so... may down side din naman.
Haay! Basta! Ganun na yun!
Ang hirap ng ganito!
Ewan!
Bukas kaya, may pasok?
Okay. I slept at around 1 am, woke up at 5 to study for my dear, sci 10. Finished at 7 so I decided to take a nap again and wake up at 8. It was raining the whole time, but I didn't care. So, when I woke up the second time around, it was still raining. I turned on the radio, as usual. After taking a bath, it was announced, Ateneo suspended classes--grade school. Oh, well... better get on with my life. By 9 am, I was out of the house, no tricycle wanted to give me a ride. So, I walked. Pagdating ko sa kanto, oh no! baha! Nice. I didn't know what to do. I need to get to school--I have a test. Then, one tryc driver shouted: "Wala nang pasok ang Ateneo, miss! Wala nang madaanan!" Ako naman, "Huh?!" So, then, balik sa Sunrise, tawag sa mga tao and yes, all levels walang pasok. YES!!! Pagkatapos kong mabasa (may payong ako nyan ha!!), walang pasok. Ok lang. Walang test, walang PE at wala ring practice. Ang saya! Then, I realized, hey, I'm stuck at home. Hindi pa ko nag-go-grocery. Uh-oh. Plus, something happened pa during that morning that really made me feel bad. AS IN, na-BAD-trip lang talaga ko. Ngarag. But anyway, when the rain died down a bit, Kia texted, so, I decided to meet up with her (Thanks for sharing your grocery with me!!!). We were supposed to watch a movie (I'm really sorry!!! Babawi ako, promise!), but then my family forced me into meeting them at Eastwood. So, of course, I followed... And, guess what???!!!!
My dear Kuya BOUGHT me a component!!!! And... dig this: It's got a mini TV with it!!!! All in one!!! Radio, TV, CD and VCD!!! o, diba??? Astig!!!! It's sooooooooooo C-U-T-E!!!!!!
My Saturday was so much fun! We had lunch and later that evening, dressed up and watch A Midsummer Night's Dream, and much later surprised Ate Bea plus the overnight. I don't want to recount every single detail anymore. Basta, this night was the best night! Plus, I've already done the recounting at the PPCIL blog.
I was cramming two papers last Sunday and I just found out it wasn't due up until September 28...Nice. Oh, well! Isn't it so obvious how I intently listen to my teachers??
So, anyway, I have a long test tom...I haven't studuied yet...Obviously, coz my face is stuck in front of the PC...
Grabe, this morning, I felt like barfing and my head hurt so bad. I don't know why. This only happens when I skipped a meal, acidic eh...pero hindi naman eh, kumain naman ako. Good thing Kuya Mike was there, stupid anemia na naman. He told me what I needed to do. Grabe, seems like dumdalas 'tong lintik na anemic attacks ko. Damn. So, then, I was okay. The day went on, and then my classes were over. I love Foxtrot, by the way...
I had to go to SM and Kia was kind enough to accompany me. (Thankies!) I had to get my shoes fixed and my keys duplicated. Then, I got myself frustrated because of the seven pairs of shoes that I wanted to buy. My mom didn't allow me to use the card. Oh, well...Okay lang yan.
I feel weird right now. I'm neither happy nor sad.
Nakakainis when you can't say the things that you want to say. I'm so caught up with people not understanding me.
Grabe, it's just Monday and I feel tired already and heavily frustrated.
I was listening to Kuya Nanan and Ate Bea's conversation yesterday about emotion and fear and pain and vulnerability... I think they were arguing about something that hit Ate Bea. (Check her blog: www.beatots.blogspot.com) Kuya Nanan was trying to answer her questions on how we always hide things or why we can't just say what we want or express how we truly feel. Ang ganda ng conversation. I was just listening. They were talking up until we reached my place. Bakit nga ba? Kasi nga we don't want to remove our masks. Because nobody wants the feeling of being vulnerable-open to all kinds of harm. Who wants to be hurt anyway? Our mask is our security zone-shield from all those unpleasant experiences that would hurt us. What struck me wasn't the arguements presented by both parties. What struck me, is the fact that we ALL have masks. Everyone has it and we are not comfortable in removing it. Because it exposes us. We become vulnerable. Nobody wants that. When we are vulnerable, our guard is down. We become prone to everything, most especially pain and hurt. Fine. This is part of loving-a part of life. But this is something that people wouldn't invite, right? Masks. Another thought that hit me. If we all have masks, then NO ONE would REALLY know anyone fully. Not even the best of bestfriends. Oo nga naman. Ikaw lang. Kung ano yung kayang mong ilabas-yun lang yun. It's pretty sad. No one would know you truthfully. Kaya nga, only YOU would only know you. That's why there will come a time that people or friends wouldn't understand you. I was debating on this. Kasi, friends are supposed to understand you. Yun DAW ang true friend. If I judge a friend this way, then wala pala akong friend. I don't like this conclusion. After a month of debating this on my head, I found my answer-it is because of a freaking mask. So, then, my friends are true friends, they just don't understand me because I have a stupid mask on that i wouldn't want to remove, by the way. Kahit sa true friends, you still are on guard. It's a fact of life, I guess.
"Trust no one but yourself. All else is but an illusion."
-Bless the Child
Don't take this as a cynical view on life. Ang point lang, there would always come a time na nobody would understand you because the only person who knows you, truthfully, without your mask would be YOU.
FACADE
Extrovert
In so many ways
Not in my own problems
I tell what's on my mind
Sometimes, being too blunt
I try to handle things
On my own
Not wanting to be a burden
To anyone
Branded as a counselor
By everyone
I solve people's concerns
Listening to everyone
My own stays here
Unsolved
Accumulating
Breaking down in a corner
Only witness is God
Laughing with everyone
No one notices
Sotlitary worker
Helping everyone
Always thinking-I can solve this on my own
In reality
I guess I need all of you
Scared of everything collapsing
Everything shattered
One by one
Holding to a single post
Now collapsing on me
Don't want to be buried in debris
Now, I cry for your help.
-08/18/04-
Her laptop broke down-my diskette stuck inside. I have to re-type everything. All my hard labor stuck to a collapsed laptop. My paper, that i finished on time, went down the drain. Now, I wasted an hour or so, re-typing stuff when I could've spent this time interviewing Joycie for yet, another paper. But no. Re-type everything. Four pages. This triggered it. Wala na. Lahat ng naipon ko-out. Napuno na naman ako. Frustrated and at the verge of breaking down, I went home. I'm such a cry baby. Aargh. Yosi-salamat. I was able to control it-YES! There was a knock at my door. (?) Kuya Rean. Act normal. Uh-oh. He noticed. With a simple pat on the back and the words: "Miggy, you don't look okay." My eyes turned into waterfalls. I cried in the middle of the day. Thanks Kuya Rean. Not asking any questions-just sitting there with me.
An angel came to the rescue, by the way. Kia, thanks for letting me use your precious laptop. Twice na ko na-rescue nito.
I had the inevitable talk kanina. Man, you're too good to be true. Ang bait mo, dude. I'm still sorry, anyhow.
Why do these things always follow me around?
Di ba ko pwedeng tantanan?
Bakit kailangang overlapping?
Bakit kailangang saby-sabay?
Hindi ba pwedeng maka-solve muna ng isa bago sapawan at dagdagan ng bago?
Wala bang recovery time?
Hindi ba pwedeng sunod-sunod as opposed to sabay-sabay?
Nasaan ba ang container ng sama ng loob?
Bakit parang ang liit nung akin?
*Pagod*
I have gathred some Quotble Quotes that have affected me... Yun bang tamang tama...
*I'm sure naman tatamaan ka ng kahit isa diyan... PLUG: Try nyo "Cello's doughnuts and dips"! Weird flavors but delicious... (Aligs and Elyoo***)
I spent the whole afternoon with my brother! We watched "So Close"... He apparently brought himself a DVD player, just right after resigning... haha! My brother's really living the life! So, anyway, after that, we listened to CD's and sang our hearts out! But then, it's time for me to go Katipunan... Hinatid pa ko! Nax! I love my Kuya!!! We picked up my laundry then he told me to just drop it off my place because he's treating me to dinner! So, we went to Eastwood and ate at Fazoli's... We were out talking and smoking...
I just realized, I missed him! Wow! As in!
The whole week, he was asking me, when I was going home, when I asked him why, he just replied: "Wala lang. =)". Ang cute. Yesterday, he was texting me on if I was going home na, I told him, in a while, I'm just fixing my stuff. He texted me: "Di ka ba papasundo? =)", I was like, "Pwede?? =)". Then he replied, "Sige, i'll leave in a minute." Grabe! I feel the love!
This morning, at around 10 am, and told me, "Tulog ka pa rin? Weekends ka na nga lang namin nakikita eh, tulog ka pa..." Then left... I woke up, of course, feeling guilty... Then, we spent the day together! Ang bait ni Kuya!!! I love Kuya!!! Grabe!!! Thanks for a wonderful day plus the dinner!!! Mwah!!!
In love at love. Ano nga ba ito?
Ngayon ko lang nalaman, kung kailan huli na.
"I'm in love with you." is different with "I love you."
Dammit! Bakit hindi ko to alam? Bakit ngayon lang?
We thought we were on the same page. Hindi pala. God, I'm so sorry.
Ang sakit, pero...NA-IN LOVE lang pala ko, hindi kita minahal. Ngayon lang may nagklaro sa kin ng ibig sabihin ng mga ito. Shit. I'm so sorry. Sorry talaga.
In-love is just the feeling, Love is the will. They are on different levels. Hindi pa pala ako umabot dun sa love. Na-in love lang ako.
Naghahanap ako ng sagot noon, kung paano ito sasabihin sayo. Ngayon lang may dumating. Hindi pala love yun. It wasn't love. I was just in love...
Kaya pala...
Kaya pala...
God, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
I didn't know better.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I was literally falling asleep kanina...
Theo, wala na..bagsak nako..
Ang boring...
During acting class, we did this interpretation of the color thing...Ganda daw nung movements na ginamit ko..
Yey! Plus we were given our monolgue grades a while ago...
B-90.25...Ok naman yun, diba?
And we were given our scripts na for the scene showcase...Man, draw lots..
I'll be playing something...well...as the ACIL peeps would put it: MAHALAY!!!! (with matching hand gestures)
"Don't worry too much..." That's what someone told me...
I'm too young to be realizing life's lessons daw...
Is there really a right age for this?
So, if I'm too young, then why am I given all these?...
Blessing or punishment?
Do I really worry too much or is this really meant for me?
*PARADOXICAL LOVE*
Journies are far more important
Whatever its destination be
It maybe good or bad
No one can really determine
-Pointless Road?-
Right after Joycie and Ate Bea went home, I headed straight to the nearby internet cafe, did my editing for my SA 21 paper when Kia and her bestfriend came and brought me coffee. I was done. We then headed for Kia's pad and watched All my Life for the second time around. It still affected us the way it did when we first watched it. Hagulgol. As for Margarita, she did cry a lot. It was her first time to watch it. Man, this is really a depressing film. But it's one good example of the passage above. It's really the journey. Taking the chance even though you know this isn't going anywhere. But who are we to say? We wouldn't really know until we reach the end right? The destination. As said above, it maybe good or bad. But for me, all is worth it as long as you have the memories and the experience. All is worth it. Whether it hurts. You wouln't really know true happiness without the pain, right? After watching the film, I decided to print the my paper for I know that I wouldn't be able to wake up early later. We also decided to buy some Vodka Cruisers and guess what? Watch the second disk of the film the second time around. Kia said that we weren't gonna cry anymore because we just did. But no. We did cry...again. Man, this is the only movie that makes me cry that much. Except for Land Before Time, but I was young then, I didn't know any better.
Man, why do we keep torturing ourselves? As if watching the movie the second time around wasn't enough, we still did a third. My eye hurts real bad. I look like I'm stoned. Puffy and blood shot red eyes. Margarita even wanted to buy a DVD copy of the film.
Grabe. After two months of avoiding this film, I thought I was ready. But no. I feel so down now.
To those who haven't watched this, if you do, and not cry a single tear, you have a heart of stone.
Binigyan Niya ko ng rason para mabuhay ng walang pinag-sisisihan. Wala yan sa haba ng panahon, nasa kung paano mo ginamit yun.
After my wonderful TBS last Saturday, I really wanted to go and hang-out with the Angels. But no. I had this required recollection for theo at four. Required Recollection. How can you recollect when it's required. But then, I still needed to go. Good thing I did because for those who missed this recollection, they were to be required to submit a book report that I don't even want to know what it's about. So then, I got there. The person who was giving a recollection wasn't a priest or brother. Ok, this is new. She was this theology teacher and was still studying. So, I thought, this I got to see.
Ok, I admit. The recollection was good. No, ok. It was great. It's not your typical recollection. I really enjoyed it because maybe, we were on the same road, the facilitator, I mean.
What I learned can be put into five sentences: "It's your choice. If you don't understand something, then don't do it. Try to understand it first. Find out whatever you can and understand it. When you do, then go do what you want." That's it. Exactly. I found my god. Haha. No, seriously. Now, I know that I'm not an atheist, agnostic is what I am. So, people, stop screwing me if I don't believe in all that Catholicism requires. I don't understand it so I don't like doing it for the heck of it. What was wrong with me was that I didn't do anything about it. I didn't try to understand it. And so, now, I shall. This was what my beloved mother was trying to tell me all along. Her version wasn't just that blunt and clear. To truly hit me, you need to go straight to the point and whack it into my brain.
So, anyway, that was Saturday for me. Yesterday, I was suppossed to do this paper but my brain wouldn't function. I think something's wrong with it. So, I decided to blog. Guess what the PC's at Prince David wouldn't allow me. Why is it that all PC's hate me? Even Kia's laptop. *sigh* So, now I'm stuck here so early in the morining trying to do this paper due tomorrow.
**************************************************************************
POINTLESS ROAD?
Living this moment
It's my choice
Being in this predicament
Following this voice
Knowing this road will someday end
And it is going nowhere
Still not turning back
Continueing this track
Share this with me
We'll get through this
Let's not think of parting
Walk with me here
Journies are far more important
Whatever its destination be
It maybe good or bad
No one can really determine
Someday this road would part
The goodbye's could be sad
But looking back
I know I'll be glad, I took this chance.
-08/09/04-
I was already feeling sick the whole day of Friday. My eyes were already starting to feel hot and I thought I was coming down with a cold. I continued my day, even went to area. The area wasn't that good. Trying to figure out how to teach Mass proper to kids that aren't even Catholics. Go figure.
Night. There it was, my body gave up on me.
I had an anemic fatigue-the insides of my eyes were turning really pale and so did my lips. That's when I knew that this was not just my body feeling tired. This was the first time it happened that I didn't have my period. I always do, during periods but now I don't have a period. I figured, ok, this SO wrong. I was sitting in front of the television, and the world was literally spinning. I decided to lie down for five minutes and sleep but as I closed my eyes, the spinning worsened. My head was aching and nahihilo na ko plus my muscles felt so weak. I didn't know what to do. They gave me Biogesic but nothing happened. I went down and got myself two bottles of Gatorade (this is what I do when I have my period). I thought, "what the hell... Let's see if this one would work". But then, I thought of a better solution, daan ko na lang sa psychology-"ok ako.", I kept telling myself. But I did buy those Gatorades, drank them straight. Ok, maybe TWO was TOO much. I wanted to barf. I had to bring it down. Solusyon-yosi. I hate being sick. Hindi ako sanay na ako yung inaalagaan, that's why I refused when everyone insisted on buying Gatorades for me. (But I really DO APPRECIATE the concern, people. It's nice knowing that there are people like you guys. Thanks for taking care of me.)Ok, I don't know which one worked, the Gatorade or the psychology tactic but was I glad that my eyes were having its color back. Bumabalik na yung dugo ko.
I think I'm feeling better now. I mean, I CANNOT get sick. I have too much to do and their dealines are on Monday and Tuesday. That's why I'm here. The morning isn't really bright. No evidence of the sun. It is really cold, especially in this room. I need to do my papers. Ang dami. Ang lamig. Where could my human jacket be?
My mom, by the way, texted me. "K. Luv u." Bati na kami. Yey.
This day is going to be a LONG one. I have TBS at 1-3, recollection at 4-7, and do an interview at 10.
I just looked out the door-it's already raining. I love watching the rain. It soothes and it calms. It's so melancholy-just as my soul is, I guess. I just read the lj of my fave cousin/bestfriend. Seems like everybody's looking for acceptance...
Cold. Alone. And my brain's practically dead.
Seryoso na to...
Ngarag na talaga ko...
Grabe...
Last night, my mom and I got into a fight, which, by the way, made me feel SO guilty.
Pinapauwi nya ako, kasi daw walang bantay yung pamangkin ko.
Guilty. Yun lang. She called me up at aroung 10 pm, she was asking to go home and commute.
Man, I told her I needed to study, which is true naman.
I had four readings to finish for theo and at the same time, memorize all the terminologies involved for he was going to give us an objective test the next day.
I was cramming. I had no other time to study for it, because my three-hour break before theo was intended for a film viewing fo history (paper due on Monday!).
I really felt guilty and a friend of mine advised me to call my mom back. I did. I told her now, that I was willing to go home, then she said, "Di bale na, late na." Then, hung up on me.
Nice. Just nice.
I tried to study but I couldn't, I needed to clear up my head. So, I went out with my old school lighter and my cigs. I was like an idiot walking around Katipunan. Then, I saw SBC. Hmm. I remembered Kia telling me that she had to study for two classes. I went in.
Got her fave coffee and brought it to her place.
She was asleep.
I left a note.
I went back to walking. I got home and commanded myself to study.
I did. Panic.
I slept at 4:30 am, wanting to wake up at 6:30 am but to no success.
I woke up at 8:40 am, my class was at 9.
Nice.
Good Luck. Obviously, I was running late. This was, so far, the fastest 20 minutes of my life.
*sigh*
I got my SA results: Damn. C.
Nice. Failure strikes again.
Then, there was theo, 15 item quiz. Genesis lang. All my cramming for nothing.
I'm about to have dinner tonight. If there couold be one good thing that I hope would happen is that, my card wouldn't be declined. If by some odd reason, it will be ...
Then, ngarag.
That's all.
***The title's got nothing to do with my entry below.
I just really want to write this word since last night...
I woke up at 6:30 am hoping to get to school at around 7:30 and type. Anyway, after doing my usual morning routine, it was still early, so I slept again...
But when I woke up, it was already 9:30 am! Man! My class was at 9!
I got up, saw that my hair was a big disaster, got a scrunchy, grabbed by bag and tied my hair up in a ponytail while going to school. I was in such a rush, I was running through Bellarmine's staircase, and guess what??
Nobody was there. Nice. Free-cut. I saw Elyoo at the corrigdor and she was as clueless as I was.
(Isn't it obvious how we always listen at class??)
So, we went to the Acil room and Aligs had a free cut too. (THEO: We have the same prof, apparantly, he was sick!)
So, there my whole day was a free cut except for my acting class where we were gonna have this longtest: a monologue. I decide to go home. Get my laundry and try to get some practice and the courage to do a monologue, in front of an audience which composed of random people that I don't know plus The Angels and some of my org mates. Nice.
We were required to bring at least 4 audeince...
Thanks so much for the people who showed up!!! Namely, The Angels, Ate Bea, Benjie, Aligs, Elyoo, Kuya Koonce, Mami Rica and Machoo! =)
I was freaking out at the backstage.
I was the finale...
So, everyone started leaving me there...=(
I went out and gave it my best shot...
It was a good feeling specially when you got people supporting you..
Thanks talaga, people! It meant a lot to me!
Afterwhich, we went to the choir practice! It was so fun!!
Toomorrow's our big day!!!
Good Luck to us!!
mshfkjsd m,ashfkjdfgzldhffisd dufysdfhb jphdgstdg!!!!!
Aaaaaarrrrrrrrggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inis lang! Inis lang talaga...
Marami naman talagang magagandang nangyari sa akin..
Although, man, at the end of the day: Aburido.
That's the only word I could thing of that best describes how I feel.
*sigh*
*****************************************************************************************************************
Last night, well, actually this morning (at around 1 am), my brother and Annie picked me up.
We headed for my Lola's house and Annie and I got to hang around for a little while.
It was so nice talking to her again!
I miss her SO much!!!
There was so much to tell her and for her to tell me..
Bitin. Kainis.
But still, seeing her was so nice!
Afterwhich, my brother came into the picture and just like good old times, we were laughing all our heads off!!!
She's truly understands me. No judgements.
Haay...
Anyway, going back to my bad afternoon.
Ewan. Moody lang talaga siguro ako.
I don't think I'm handling school that well.
I'm actually thinking of quiting ****.
Sobra. I don't think I'll be able to meet their demands.
Grabehan.
Ang weird ko.
I really can't generalize the day because I don't know if I was gennerally happy or aburido.
Night cap. =)
Today, we went to Joycie's church. (It was for my project, actually)
Man, that was a whole new experience!
It was fun! There were really a lot of different things but it was fun, nonetheless.
I kept asking Joycie questions...I really like it when I ask questions and get answers.
Hmm... I also like it when I learn new stuff...
Anyway, the service was over by 12 and man, was I hungry!
I couldn't help it anymore so I bought Hansel and funchums at the nearby sari-sari store.
But this isn't the hightlight yet, the angels and I spent time together at the mall!!!
Ang tagal na since we girls went out. We ate at BK, availing of their barakada promo which consisted of three meals (eksakto! astig!). Afterwhich, we strolled at the mall looking at tops we couldn't buy, trying to restrain ourselves from indulging in shopping, reminding ourselves that our we needed our money to survive the week. Haha!
Then, we watched Ella Enchanted. Contrary to what I've been hearing, the movie was actually nice. It was entertaining, funny and a "feel-good" movie type. We were laughing and squirming whenever "kilig moments" came up! Man, that was SO fun!!!
Then, it was time to go home...
Kia and I did our groceries, went home and met up again to have dinner. Then...
My brother texted me, MY SISTER WAS IN LABOR! IN OUR CAR AND THEY'RE STUCK IN TRAFFIC! Where?! EXPRESSWAY!!! They were on their way back from Clark! OMG!
PANIC BUTTONS!
Another nephew...Man, am I that old??
Anyway, after dinner, Kia and I got some coffee and hanged at her place. It's been a while since we did this. Coffee, smokes and the Katipunan lights.
But then, it was so cold, we went to just stay at her living room. We sat at the floor just talking. That was so nice.
Then, one my high school friends texted me. And there! It was so touching. She texted just becauses she misses us!!! Awww!!!! (touched!!!)
This day is one the best days I've ever had! I have this feeling that this month's going to be a good one! (Putting aside school requirements, that is)
I have to do two papers, do a million readings and study my brains off. I have to finish one of the two papers this weekend.
I've been trying to, I just can't seem to concentrate. Everytime I try to do this paper, something always comes up.
Haynako.
******************************************************************************************
I hate it when things are vague. I don't know. I always want to figure out things. I always need literal clarification.
I don't like it when I'm clueless. I don't like it when there's somehting I should know but no one's telling me.
I don't like it when people judge you or think differently of you just because you did something out of the stupid norm.
I hate that look when they speculate something out of you just because you were being honest. Why can't people just say what they have to say?
Or what they want to say?
Ask questions or just say it.
I don't like draining all my time and brain cells trying to figure people out.
Just say it. I don't like having those looks when they pretend they aren't thinking of you any differently but they really are.
I hate open-ended talks.
I hate it that I hate things.
I hate uncertainty.
I hate confusion. I hate this right now.
I hate myself as of this moment. I hate the world at this very second.
My day isn't over yet and I'm already like this.
As the cliche always says, "Lilipas din yan.."
Who knows, tomorrow I would love everything...
miggy. michee*. michellette. different names, different facades. one whole complicated individual underneath the blanket of stars hoping that one day i could hold one.
:: Michelle Loves ::the stars. the wide sky. love itself. the journey. and maybe the destination.
:: Random Thoughts ::chocolates. sweets. hugs. kisses. smiles. laughter. tears. painful knowledge. truth. honesty. cookies. love. alone. friends.
:: Stars falling, An angel hoping ::staring at the wide sky. walking underneath the stars. enduring the journey -- loving it, hating it, not sure of the destination. i continue to walk, covering ground while the stars fall, and i continue to hope...