Yesterday:
Hectic. Yun lang. My whole morning was free but I had to grab this chance to watch a movie that I needed to do a paper on. So I did. 9-11 am. Silence of the Lambs.
This movie got to my nerves. (TIP: Don't watch it while eating.)
I reserved the VR the day before to be able to watch it. (Wala akong TV sa dorm...)
Suppossedly, I was only going to watch it with a blockmate but then Elyoo and Ate Bea came and so did another blockmate at the last minute. Some parts of it were a real laugh trip! Haha!. Sorry for the arm, Elyoo.
Afterwhich, of course the afternoon went on with my normal classes and then an FS for Waterhole and a meeting for the ACMG choir. Man, this was it! They made us sing one by one! Sintonado. *sigh*
Anyway, I promised to have dinner with Kia but then we had to rush because she had a talk to go to with Joycie at 8. It was already 8 when we left ACMG--it wasn't even done yet. But I insisted that Kia should eat. So we went out and she catched a ride with Joycie. Only one class tom. Nothing to do.
People text. Peer pressure. Haha. Drink. Spin the bottle.* Haha. Grabe. Yun lang.
Today:
Hmm. Headache. My fault I know. As Kia said, "You brought this in on yourself!". I wasn't complaining...I just wanted to express...I had fun during lunch with Kia and Joycie!
Then, I had no more class.
I planned this day very well, to be able to do the most that I can. But, the world didn't want to comply.
Why? Hmm...Rain, closed RSF and my stupid headache.
I slept at the ACIL room and at 5:30, I was headed for the Choir practice.
It was fun!! The song was really nice! I'm not sure about the title: God is the savior of my heart???
Ewan. Basta.
Ang kulit pa when we were headed out of the school. Joycie, Mami Rica, Ate Bea and I were dancing while singing the song. Ate Bea and Joycie were doing their "Pose dance" while Mami Rica and I were, as Mami Rica described, like worms dancing...
hahahaha!!!!
But then, that was really tiring.
This song is really cool that we even made a remix!!!
Hahaha!! This night is so much fun!!
Somehting serious (share ko lang poem ko...):
*As of now, I dont' have a title to go with it.
Masakit mang-iwan
Masakit magpa-asa
Masakit maiwan
Mas lalong masakit ang pina-asa
Patawarin mo ako
Minahal kita, oo
Doon, sigurado ako.
Paano mo kaya tatanggapin ito?
Paano ko ba sasabihin?
Hindi na ako tulad ng dati
Hindi na tayo pareho ng pag-iisip
Hindi pareho and damdamin.
Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari
Walang kasiguruhan sa sarili
Sa lahat ng tao, ako ang nakakaalam kung gaano ito kaskit.
Ngunit hindi mapigil itong nangyayari
Pag-ibig ko sa'yo'y lumisan
Ito'y talagang nawala
Kung bakit ay hindi ko alam
Ako sana'y mapatawad
Ngayon, ako pa ang nagpa-asa
ngunit hindi talaga alam kung paanong maisasalita
Hindi ko sinsadyang saktan ka
Minahal kitang talaga, ngunit ako'y iba na.
Aking maiintindihan kung ako'y lilisanin
Hindi talaga mawari
Kung paano ito sasabihin
Sana lang, sa paglipas ng oras, ako'y iyong patawarin.
-07/28/04-
What I wasn't able to recount last night was the pillow fight.
Man, I forgot how fun that was. Acting like little kids.
It so nice to be like little kids!
No problems, no heartaches, just pure innocent fun and almost shallowness...
This was so much fun! It was like a little slumber party of some sort...
Haha... Food and people and smokes...
As Kuya Nanan would say, "It was worth it!"
***SA 21:
I just had my test today...
Part I: Hmmm...ok, next..
Part II: Uh, next please..
Part III: Um, A?, C?, B?
Part IV: uh, True? True, False?
Part V: essay. Time to bullshit!
Damn! Why do I keep on failing this suppessedly easy class?!!
I feel so stupid.
I woke up at 8:30, this class was at 9. Get the picture.
Who could ever study four hand-outs plus a few pages of notes in 30 minutes while taking a bath, putting on clothes and catching a trike going to school?
Fine. I should have studied the previous night.
The thing is, I did try. Walang pumapasok sa utak ko. I fell asleep and tada! When I woke up, 8:30 na.
***BREAK:
Ouch. Pain. Gunfire. Shot gun. Pilbox. Canon. Bomb. Atomic bomb. Nuclear bomb. Dead.
***THEO 121:
I never learn, late, damn prof.
***ACTING I:
I wasn't able to practice, we had a monologue kanina.
We'll be having the real test on Tuesday, audience required.
And guess what?! He made me the finale.
After class, I talked to him, his last words: "Galingan mo ha?, Ginawa kitang finale, loka! Sa'yo, nakasalalay ang last impression nila sa class natin!"
Way to put pressure on you, huh?
The thing is, I'm in BFA TA. Fine. But I'm not an actress.
I'm more on the production side.
See, pressure.
******************************************************************************************
During Theo, I was scribbling whatever it is that entered my mind. I've been doing this since highschool.
Another outlet, I guess.
I read kanina, and man, it was some deep shit.
About life, loose ends, what I needed to start doing and a new found goal.
I kept on saying, wait for me. Haha. What?!
So, then, it was all that.
Then during acting class, while waiting for my turn, there I go again.
I needed this sort of stimulus to act.
What entered, what if I lost >>>*<<<.
It was enough, though, my teacher said, I just needed to work on the gestures and not dropping the stimulus. He also, asked me to do rational trantrums during the test. Basta, acting jargon.
******************************************************************************************
Coffee. I fell asleep. Shit. She wasn't mad, though. (Thank, God!)
I missed this. I really do.
Good thing, we had coffee again. Nice.
We talked about anything ang everything we could think of.
I really miss this. This was one good thing that happened today.
Thanks, angel!
The weekend was a blast!
The angels and I went to ACIL's acquinatance party..
It was so much fun!!!!
The presentations were so cool and I really had fun with the angels!
It's been a while since we we went out all together..
We were, by the way, branded my Machoo as Poklogs..
Haha!!
Only goes to show na whatever we wear, we still look hot, hot, hot!
*Heheheh*
But soon people left and so did the angels.
Kia had to go because her brother was leaving the next day and Joyce wasn't allowed to go on an overnight.
I stayed because I had nothing else to do...
The people left at Mami's place were Kuya Nanan, Kuya Mike, Miguel, Kuya Koonce and Ate Bea...
We had fun talking to each other and a counselor was born--Kuya Nanan.
We all had our own "IC's" with him..
He was such a big help!
Anyway, the night went through with a lot of talikng, singing and of course, eating!
I slept at around five and woke up at seven.
Two hours plus a headache.
But it didn't stop there.
We all went home (just to take a bath..) at around ten and still met up at around two pm. Thanks to Kuya Mike for the rides!
We went to Rob, ate lunch and watched a movie.
but Kuya Nanan had to go home so, Kuya Mike, Kuya Koonce, Rica, Ate Bea and I were the ones who watched I-Robot.
Haha..We got seats sa baba ( i'm not sure what its called), but then Ate Bea and I were able to fool the guards and sat sa taas ( di ko talaga sure kung anong tawag dun).
The movie was technically good but it if your looking for entertainment, it's not the movie to watch...
Then it was time to go home, we dropped off Rica to her place then we went to drop Ate Bea, supposedly...
We still hanged-out at her place...(Mga ayaw gumawa ng HW)
We ate...again. And a lot, by the way!
Then we seriously headed home.
*Weekend over*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
I have a long test tomorrow.
I haven't studied for it yet.
It's my problem class this sem. (I know madali siya..pero sa binabagsak ko eh.)
Defense Mechanism.
Taray.
How to forget.
Ewan.
Should I even.
Ang saya mag-pillow fight...kahit talo ka.
"worth it"
Hyper.
Masaya daw kunwari.
Masaya--di ko na maalala feeling nito.
Selos. Can't help it.
Masakit.
Magulo.
Suffocation.
Emotional Imbalance.
Yosi.
OK--ano nga ba ibig sabihin nito?
Bitin.
Kape.
Maraming kape.
Black coffee.
Studies.
School.
F.
Pera.
Confusion.
Possessive.
Ako.
Selos. Really can't help it.
Aral. Now na.
Kailangan.
Longtest.
Concentrate.
Project.
Coffee. Black.
Ano ba?
Iwas. Ayoko.
Masakit.
Hmmm.
Weird.
Sure.
Words. Iba.
Talk.
When.
Yosi.
Yosi.
Yosi.
Kape. madami.
Kape.
Black.
Kape.
Yosi.
Drama.
Yosi.
Kape.
Kape.
Kape.
Kape.
Yosi.
Riverbanks: Everywhere I look, there were their favorite things.
From music to symbols to colors.
Something was bothering me obviously.
I believe in signs.
What I saw at Riverbanks were signs blown right in front of me.
I didn't know what to do.
Fine. Talk.
ACIL Room:
I didn't know what to do.
I ordered myself to stay.
It was so awkward. Then I asked questions about a game that I really knew. Haha... Strategy.
Reach out. She replied. Astig.
The game went on.
Small talks everywhere.
The three of us had this, well, um moment about something.
Nobody understood. Just us.
Man, after a long time, there it was.
I felt it. I still had it. Connection.
It hit me. I miss them SO much.
No wonder this was affecting me, big-time.
Soon, it was time to go.
Impulse.
I hugged them. Then, it just came out.
I broke down.
Words just came out of my lips. Non-stop.
Being a cry baby. I talked and talked until I could no longer breathe.
They listened. They talked.
Man, what a night.
One thing's for sure.
I both love you and I'm not giving up.
I won't and I refuse to.
I hope you guys wouldn't too.
Let's work this out.
I know we'll find a way.
I love you both.
In a day, how many emotions do you feel?
I don't know if this is true for other people but there are a lot of emotions that I feel in a day.
One moment, you think you're happy.
The next you're hurt or sad or even blank.
We all know that laughter doesn't necessarilly mean happiness, so why is it that we laugh?
What is the purpose of that? It seems like a waste of time.
You laugh with people or even at people.
But when they're gone and you're all alone, why is it that your "happiness" would just seem to suddenly drop.
Something unpleasant happens as your day goes by.
Obviously, you're not happy about it.
You rant.
They comfort you.
You laugh again. with them.
You suddenly feel up.
Then they leave.
You're not thinking about that unpleasant thing that had happened but then, you still feel a surge of negative feeling.
I don't know what. I don't know why.
Everyday, this would be the case.
Have you ever been happy, sad, angry and hurt all at the same day?
But then again...What is happiness, anyway?
How do really know if you're happy?
*************************************************************************************
How do you know when to let go or when to hold on till the very end?
How do you when to just stop?
Someone told me that changes happen because you grow.
Or they grow.
Point is people change because of growth.
Is it really an SOP that when you "grow", you leave behind the things or people most that you hold most dear?
If this is the case, then screw growing up.
*************************************************************************************
Life currently sucks.
It's hard to explain but I'm really beginning to hate it.
Who am I to blame?
I am so confused and bothered.
I hate this.
*sigh*
I'm failing my first long test at Sci 10...
Coincindence...
Last night, Kuya Kit and I agreed to have dinner, he picked me up and we walked through the streets of Katipunan...
We decided to have dinner at Jollibee, but when we arrived there, ang daming tao!!!
So, we just went to Kenny...
and there we saw Kia with her brother and a friend...
I haven't seen Kia for the past couple of days...
Our schedules jusut wouldn't meet..
Haay..
So Kuya Kit and I ate with them..
It was so much fun!
Anyway... I love hugs! I really do... I love hugging people...
Today was my "most hugging day"... *sigh*
During summer, Nicolo and I got close and ever since then we always would be hugging each other when we see each other...
Today, I hugged Kuya Nanan and the angels...
It was so comforting when Kuya Nanan hugged me...
But what was the best hugs that I received were from my two angels...
It's been a long time since I've been with those two...
Before my stupid test, Kia and Joycie both hugged me for goodluck, telling me that I can do it.
Their hugs were genuinely comforting, giving me the strength that I needed...
I really love those two.
You know that certain feeling when you're so down and then somebody would just hug you in silence as if telling you that "everything would just be fine and don't worry coz I'll just be here for you."?
Then everthing would just seen much lighter, afterwards...
Nice.
It's just so nice.
This is my first official entry for my blog...
Credits to Joycie, by the way, for helping me...=)
Just to recount, las week was my hell week...
I was so stressed out...
It was actually the First time that i had not literally slept fo three straight days...
What kept me preoccupied:
It was Kia's birthday and Joycie and I were cramming for her surprise, I had two major tests coming up, one covered 4 sets of hand-outs, with pages ranging from 10-20 pages, the other was a whole book with 7 chapters of more than 20 pages each...kia's surprise composed of making a banner, a butterfly puzzle which I had to give out to the people that she cared for and cares for her...There were a lot of downers too...but hey...it's all part of it, I guess...
***Special thanks to Ate Tricia, Kuya Jay and all the ACIL peeps for being so cooperative and supportive! Plus to Elyoo for reviewing me for FA 101...
Purks:
***Even though, i was stressed, i was happy...I love doing surprises!
***Peer pressure!!! The people involved would know what I mean...
I must say, the movie:boring; but you guys are so much fun to hang around with! (Kuya Nanan, Kuya Mike, Ate Bea and Aligs) Till the next movie!!
***Saturday: I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY WITH MY ANGELS PLUS MIKE!!! IT WAS SO FUN!!!!
See Joycie's blog for pix!!--> www.tabulas.com/~angelJ
***I just got my history test yesterday...i swear I was so sure that I was getting an F...I got a freaking A!!!! WAAHAHAHA!!!!
Today:
I feel much better now... things are starting to get a little lighter...
I shall go and eat dinner and ztudy for zcience and zociety...{Elyoo =) }
miggy. michee*. michellette. different names, different facades. one whole complicated individual underneath the blanket of stars hoping that one day i could hold one.
:: Michelle Loves ::the stars. the wide sky. love itself. the journey. and maybe the destination.
:: Random Thoughts ::chocolates. sweets. hugs. kisses. smiles. laughter. tears. painful knowledge. truth. honesty. cookies. love. alone. friends.
:: Stars falling, An angel hoping ::staring at the wide sky. walking underneath the stars. enduring the journey -- loving it, hating it, not sure of the destination. i continue to walk, covering ground while the stars fall, and i continue to hope...