I was listening to Kuya Nanan and Ate Bea's conversation yesterday about emotion and fear and pain and vulnerability... I think they were arguing about something that hit Ate Bea. (Check her blog: www.beatots.blogspot.com) Kuya Nanan was trying to answer her questions on how we always hide things or why we can't just say what we want or express how we truly feel. Ang ganda ng conversation. I was just listening. They were talking up until we reached my place. Bakit nga ba? Kasi nga we don't want to remove our masks. Because nobody wants the feeling of being vulnerable-open to all kinds of harm. Who wants to be hurt anyway? Our mask is our security zone-shield from all those unpleasant experiences that would hurt us. What struck me wasn't the arguements presented by both parties. What struck me, is the fact that we ALL have masks. Everyone has it and we are not comfortable in removing it. Because it exposes us. We become vulnerable. Nobody wants that. When we are vulnerable, our guard is down. We become prone to everything, most especially pain and hurt. Fine. This is part of loving-a part of life. But this is something that people wouldn't invite, right? Masks. Another thought that hit me. If we all have masks, then NO ONE would REALLY know anyone fully. Not even the best of bestfriends. Oo nga naman. Ikaw lang. Kung ano yung kayang mong ilabas-yun lang yun. It's pretty sad. No one would know you truthfully. Kaya nga, only YOU would only know you. That's why there will come a time that people or friends wouldn't understand you. I was debating on this. Kasi, friends are supposed to understand you. Yun DAW ang true friend. If I judge a friend this way, then wala pala akong friend. I don't like this conclusion. After a month of debating this on my head, I found my answer-it is because of a freaking mask. So, then, my friends are true friends, they just don't understand me because I have a stupid mask on that i wouldn't want to remove, by the way. Kahit sa true friends, you still are on guard. It's a fact of life, I guess.
"Trust no one but yourself. All else is but an illusion."
-Bless the Child
Don't take this as a cynical view on life. Ang point lang, there would always come a time na nobody would understand you because the only person who knows you, truthfully, without your mask would be YOU.
FACADE
Extrovert
In so many ways
Not in my own problems
I tell what's on my mind
Sometimes, being too blunt
I try to handle things
On my own
Not wanting to be a burden
To anyone
Branded as a counselor
By everyone
I solve people's concerns
Listening to everyone
My own stays here
Unsolved
Accumulating
Breaking down in a corner
Only witness is God
Laughing with everyone
No one notices
Sotlitary worker
Helping everyone
Always thinking-I can solve this on my own
In reality
I guess I need all of you
Scared of everything collapsing
Everything shattered
One by one
Holding to a single post
Now collapsing on me
Don't want to be buried in debris
Now, I cry for your help.
-08/18/04-
miggy. michee*. michellette. different names, different facades. one whole complicated individual underneath the blanket of stars hoping that one day i could hold one.
:: Michelle Loves ::the stars. the wide sky. love itself. the journey. and maybe the destination.
:: Random Thoughts ::chocolates. sweets. hugs. kisses. smiles. laughter. tears. painful knowledge. truth. honesty. cookies. love. alone. friends.
:: Stars falling, An angel hoping ::staring at the wide sky. walking underneath the stars. enduring the journey -- loving it, hating it, not sure of the destination. i continue to walk, covering ground while the stars fall, and i continue to hope...
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