stars falling, an angel hoping...

Bittersweet

2007-06-27T08:48:00.000+08:00

I'M UNEMPLOYED!!!!! HUHUHUHU

*big sigh*

BAD LUCK

2007-06-01T11:11:00.000+08:00

2007-04-18T23:46:00.000+08:00

I have NO right to feel it.
Not anymore.
But I do.
What now?
I just keep my mouth shut.

how am i?

2007-04-10T23:54:00.000+08:00

How are you?
I'm better. (I think)

I guess this song says it all.

"You Were Meant For Me" by Jewel

I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs and my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you.
I break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore' cause
Dreams last for so long
even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I go about my business, I'm doin fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon I know you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

Yeah.... You were meant for me and I was meant for you.

wishful thinking at the moment. malabo as usual.

bring me back to life

2007-02-22T18:21:00.000+08:00

Yes. I'm back, i think. It's been a while since i've actually posted anything. Thanks to thesis.

How many times have i've posted and basically declared that i hate changes. Transitions are hard that's why i hate changes. It shakes my nice, little world. It brings uncertainty and i hate that as well. To the people very close to me, i think you all know what i'm talking about. I hate the situation not the person. Duh.

A friend told me just yesterday, wag ko daw pangunahan yung experience. let it all just happen. Well, here it comes.

Maybe if i stop moving, maybe if stop breathing (figurative to, for Kia's sake), maybe if i just stop. do you think the pain will?

I want to feel numb again but i can't dahil masyadong nang malalim ang lahat.

Help me smile. Help me wake up. Help me face the new day. Help me stand up again.

Don't let me drown.

*Will wait*

CAROLING BEYBEH!

2006-12-10T00:03:00.000+08:00

Can i just say....

ANG SAYA NG CAROLING KAHAPON AT KANINA!!!!! Woohooo!!!!!

Ang sarap pa ng food!!!!

Congrats EDS nad KIM!!!

hehehe.... Tiloy-tuloy na to!!!!

CHANGES

2006-12-04T12:25:00.000+08:00

I hate changes. I hate it. But once again, it is happening. It's inevitable, I know. Still, it sad and out of my control and I don't like it. I don't.

YIKEE!!!

2006-11-04T10:27:00.000+08:00

CONGRATUALTIONS
BEA!!!!!!!!

WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!

THEOLOGY

2006-09-26T15:37:00.000+08:00

BAGSAK AKO SA THEO! KUNG KELAN PA AKO NAG-ARAL SAKA AKO BABAGSAK! ANAK NG TIPAKLONG! @#!**$#!@@@!!&^%$#!

SPIT!!!!

2006-09-14T10:09:00.000+08:00

The Ateneo Fine Arts block '07
presents

S P I T
Silly People's Improv Theatre

a fundraiser for the 2007 Fine Arts Festival

Catch Manila's premiere improv theatre group
in Ateneo for ONE NIGHT ONLY!!!

September 21, 2006
6:00 pm
Gonzaga Exhibit Hall
3rd floor Gonzaga Building
Php 150

For Reservations, contact 0922-8066562

HABURDAY!

2006-08-09T21:37:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALIGS!!!!!!

Sabog and random thoughts

2006-07-27T18:32:00.000+08:00

Well, Aligs, since the past few days, ikaw na lang ata ang nakakaintindi nito... Di ko na ikukwento. Basta, SHANE'S BACK!!! Thank you for helping me out!!! Sherwin din and Nante... hehe, moral support and concern! :)

Well, eto kasi yan...
1. I have no idea at all kung anong ginagawa ko.
2. Thesis... Need I say more... Clueless
3. Where do I stand? Nasaan nga ba ako?
4. Malabo ako ngayon.
5. I hate changes but I'll deal with it.
6. Jaded na nga ba ako?
7. Too much silence? Should I really start talking once more?
8. It's so hard to quit smoking because I like smoking.
9. Immersion bukas... Bigas. Kelangan ko daw ng bigas.
10. I am so confused. Masyadong maraming nararamdaman.
11. Malamig dito sa lib...
12. I am senseless and paranoid.
13. May Knoller dito... Hehehe... Wala lang.
14. Binabaha na ang loob ng kotse ko...Lagyan ko daw ng tape or plastic (From Vicente, Aligs and Francis)
15. Hay.

F.B. Harrisson

2006-07-16T17:59:00.000+08:00

Leche. Yun lang. Nung Wednesday, na-suspend ang classes. "Classes are suspended, as of 12:20 pm." Yay. But wait! Nag-meeting ang FA. Hay. Pero ok lang kasi productive. =) Anyway, pagkatapos nun, sinamahan ako ni Aligs papuntang 2680 F.B. Harrisson St, Pasay City. Sige, with all the rain!!!! At dahil sa given directions, bigla na lang... Huwaaw!!! May malaking globe ang tumambad sa amin. Yes, Mall of Asia ang narating namin. It's actually good kapag walang tao. Anyway, bili ng yosi, tanong sa guard... Hmm... Bakit may Baywalk... Asa Roxas na kami... Park. Tanong sa guard... Drive. Traffic... Wow! F.B. Harrisson... Hanap... 1623, 18 blah blah. Huh? Bakit dulo na ng street, ay, main road! Takte! Buendia! Liko, U-turn. Loko. Pasok sa continuation ng F.B. Harrisson. 19blah, 20blah. PLDT! Petron, Something academy. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Wala kong makita. Basa na si Aligs. Yes. Pumapasok ang tubig sa pinto. Huhu... Rain. 2680 2680 2680 2680! Waaaah!!!!! Pasok! Woohooo!!! After two hours of driving! Bwiset kasi madali lang sana mapuntahan. Buendia lang. Pakshyet. Anyway, since suspended at sayang ang pagpunta ng Buendia at umuulan ng sobrang lakas, we took refuge sa Glorietta, inaya ang Makati girl na si Bea at nanood ng Pirates!!! Captain Jack... Hmmm... *drool* Anyway, kumain pa kami ng corn dogs (thanks aligs!) tapos, Timezone, while waiting for Bea. hehe... Wala lang!

Oh, and I MISSED THE BOS!!!! HUHUHU! I'm sure astig at masaya! Thanks Kia dearest!!! AND

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WIFI

2006-07-05T15:44:00.000+08:00

Teeheehee!! Nasa lib ako ngayon... Hehehehe.... Naayos na yung wifi ewan ko!!

All thanks to:

EDS and JASON!!!!

SALAMAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a day.

2006-07-04T22:21:00.000+08:00

Alam na ng lahat ang storya sa kotse ko... Buti na lang Matts ikaw yun... Salamat sa pagiging responsible ... Sobra ...

Bagsak ako sa theo. Ulit.

Nakatulog ako sa 3 hour class ko at ginising ako ng teacher ko mismo.

Wala pa rin ang creative juices ko, therefore, wala pa ring stage ang blue rep.

Buti na lang at mabait ka. Salamat.

It doesn't matter.

2006-06-28T23:42:00.000+08:00

Before I get to the serious stuff, i.e. what my title is about, eto muna. Just read my last post and haha, I replaced the phone and mah mama got some more new stuff! Sabi nga ni Matts kanina: "Wow!!! Ang hi-tech na talaga ni Michee*!" Haha... I shall try to understand you NEO, I must! Hehe... I can watch DVD's at my dorm na!!! Woohoo!!! I labsh mah mama so much!!!

And OMG!!! He got a new haircut!!! At nagcasual pa! Hehe...He's workin' out. hmm...*drool*

Anyway, so here it is. Kanina, you got me thinking about something and I came to realize... I'm done. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm finally done. I'm not mad at you or anything. Yun lang talaga, there's nothing more to it. No reading between the lines because there's nothing to read. Take it as it is: I AM DONE.

I want to actually say this to you kasi, alam mo na, me and my innate need to speak and talk just to get things over with. But you might take it the wrong way. Pwede na siguro ito, if you even know that this is about you. Hay. Basta, I'm done. It doesn't really matter. :)

I'm at peace right now with so much bliss. *sigh* I shall worry when it comes but nothing will change, well, maybe some things but I promise that it will be for the better.

Grabehan

2006-06-21T11:08:00.000+08:00

Last June 7, 2006, I got this uber nice phone... It's free because my mom's such a great manager. Hehe. Everything's okay until... WALA AKONG SIGNAL! Pasumpong sumpong... Sige lang... *pissed off* I went ot "FIX IT"--That electronic shop near Dormitoryana... Dalhin ko daw sa sun at mukhang naka-block... Tawag sa sun, tanong tanong, tawag kay mama, tanong tanong... So, ngayon I shall: a.) go to Robinson's Sun shop and see what they say or b) go to where mah mama's office friend got it. Hassle hassle.

Tapos, ehem, Beadle once more... Sa THEO!!!! Ayan, alam ko kasing ito ang magiging problema ko sa grades, as it always has been. So, gamitin na ang beadle bias... hehe
Tapos, ang dashing ng aking teacher sa _________ Heheh... Yun lang... Hay, I labsh TTH.....

APRIL BABY!

2006-06-02T17:15:00.000+08:00

Finorward ko ito sa ACIL:) Hehe... Sarap lang gawan ng comments.

------------------APRIL BABY -------------------
Suave and compromising. (<-- Super!) Funny and humorous.(Corny raw ako eh... huhu) Stubborn. Very talkative.(Obvious ba???!)
Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed.(Uber detailed. Major.) Loyal.(Duh.)
Does work well with others. (Sometimes gust ko mag-isa... Hmmm) Very confident. (Di naman) Sensitive.(Tinatanong pa ba yan.) Positive
Attitude. (Questionable to..) Thinking generous. Good memory.(Detailed nga eh. Alaala ko lahat basta may gravity sa akin.) Clever and knowledgeable.(Hmmm...)
Loves to look for information.(Matanong na bata) Able to cheer everyone up and/or make
them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others.(Di ko kasi sure yung others.) Understanding.(Sabi nila..) Fun to
be around.(Kasi mababaw ako. Tiga-tawa sa lahat ng jokes.) Outgoing. Hyper.(Pag nababaliw na...) Bubbly personality. Secretive.(Super true.) Boy/girl
crazy. (As in??? Hahah! joke!) Loves sports, music, leisure and travelling. (sports? nah. Music, yup!, leisure? yup!,Travelling? ngayon, medyo mahal ko na) Systematic.(Duh. Oc-Oc nga daw eh! Hmph!) hot
but has brains. (WALANG KOKONTRA!!!! OBVIOUS NAMAN EH!)

Coz you had a bad day....

2006-05-31T13:38:00.000+08:00

Actually, masaya ang araw ko kahapon. :) ngayon lang ako inaaway ng mundo.
Anyway, happy thoughts muna...
Nung monday, I took on a new role. Hihi. Core na ako ng block namin. Finance head beybeh! Haha... To think I gave up being the BM Schol Head ng ACIL. Sinusundan talaga ako ng trabahong to... Haha. Sabi nga ng contact namin ni Kia sa Barangka: "Ganun talaga noh, if you really want something so bad, in the end, dun at dun ka talaga mapupunta..." Inspiring naman, made me hope. Anyway, hecticness for sure. Kasi parang officer ako ng 2 orgs. Isa pa, it's not as organized as ACIL. Medyo in trouble ngayon kaya ko siguro tinake. Haha. Nag-feeling na naman! Oh well. I'm looking forward to it!

Nung monday rin, I saw two of my highschool friends. I felt something different. It's both good and bad. Nevertheless, it was awkward but gave me a sense of renewed confidence. Diba, Nante? Basta yun. I'm lucky to be here and from now on, I won't waste my mom's money by disregarding my classes. I shall try so very hard. Hay. (It's hard not to cut!) Maybe, I shall be a beadle again. (Sige, patayin ko na ang sarili ko sa pagod...)

Yesterday was... hmmm... really nice. :) I tried to start my day at 9am. haha. But I ended up starting it at 2pm. I know delayed pero ngayon ko pa lang binabasa ang Memoirs of a Geisha. I don't buy books kasi, I just borrow. Hehe. Credits to my book supplier: Bea. :) Thank you! So, you know, pag tapos na siya at bored na ako saka lang ako nagbabasa. Anyway, di ko matantanan. Tapos ko na! So, I went to school to get my free dose of internet connection and Nante tried freaking me out through YM. Haha! Then I had an unexpexted/surpise visitor. And then, talked about politics and all other trivial things with my "kasambahay" as you called it. Haha!

But today! I woke up late. I looked for what I wanted to wear. Shyet. Nawawala ang army green pants ko! At paborito kong pants yun! Hinananp ko sa lahat. Wala. Inisip ko kung kelan ko ito huling ginamit.... Holy week ... outing sa Laguna. Pakshyet. after nun, di ko na yung ginamit. Wala na. Suot na siguro yun ng isang tao dun. Bwiset. To think, ilang months ko hinanap yung pants na yun. (Diba, Kia? and Bea?) proud na proud pa ko. Leche. Nagdecide ako. Bibilhin ko ulit yun. Now. Pero buti na lang, dineposit ko na lang ang pera ko sa banko. Hay. So, eto pa, magpapa-encash (?) ako ng check, hindi pala pwede dun kelangan sa branch mismo. Tingin sa check, BONI AVE MANDALUYONG! great. Punta ako ng school, ay, oo nga pala sinira ng isang lalaki yung diskette ko! ARRRRRRGGGHHH! Kasi kuha ng kuha di man lang magtanong! Bwiset! ngayon, magpapascan na naman ako ng picture.

Hay. Ayun lang. Ang haba. kasi ang tagal ko nang di nakapagsusulat eh.

AGENDAS

2006-05-15T10:34:00.000+08:00

Una sa lahat... Salamat Aligs at Jason sa panlilibre niyo sa akin nung last week... Waahahaahaha!!!! Salamat talaga kasi gusto kong mapanood yung reincarnation! Together forever... ehehehehe.....

Pangalawa, FRIENDS!!!! I NEED YOUR HELP!!!

PLEASE WATCH MAY DAY EVE!

concert at Party Central 141 Mother Ignacia St. QC. 8pm, 150 php

Bands like Cynthia Alexander, Cambio, Whatevuritakes and more!

cge na pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeee......

Text me at 0922 806 6562. Cge na cge na. I know you want to... =)

FRANTIC

2006-05-03T10:54:00.001+08:00

Hindi pa ako makaisip ng mas magandang salita. At one point, I am beginning to be furious. At one point, jaded. Yet on another point, just beginning to be pissed. and still, at some point, I am very very nervous.

I think I am pissed and mad and it's turning into nothing -- jaded. I speak my mind but somehow, this time around, I prefer not to talk to you because I know you wouldn't truthfully listen, anyway. So why bother when you don't? You think, everything's gonna be okay if you try to look okay and approach me in a sunny mood. No. Well, now, I dont care that much anymore.

It might be wrong to make assumptions but I guess, it's just my instinct. I don't like it when people try to tinker with what I think is mine or at least, I claimed or used first. I can be territorial, especially with the people that I am not close to. I am also a very detailed person and these details that may seem nothing to others is maybe something big for me.

Am I angry? I do not know.

Because, I feel a lot of things right now. A mixture of emotions but nevertheless, i know what those are.

I am also very very nervous because something's changing and it's hard for me to deal with it.
But I am also happy. Very much on one big aspect of my life. =)
************************************************************************************

Make your own mark.

SUBIC BEYBEH!

2006-04-24T14:05:00.000+08:00

Hahaha!!! Ang saya saya sa Subic!!! Kahit day trip lang, ok lang. Kahit pinagt-tripan rin ako nina Ayjar, Aligs, Jason and Nante. Hmph! Buti na lang sa overnight, dumating si Ruthie at nalipat na sa kanya ang kanilang energies! Hahahaahha!!! Grabehan lang, ang dami kong nainom na salt water... Yuck! To think may nakita kaming bata na nag-wiwi doon. Kadire!
Salamat Cheenee sa pagpatol sa vanity ko! Haha! Photoshoot galore! Salamat Kia & Benj, Joycie & Mike (the couples!) sa pagbili ng food na inabot ng sobrang tagal (haha!) na tipong naluto na kami sa araw (ahem, shall i repeat from Bea's email, Darwin). haha! Pati sa mga nag-overnight! Ruthie!!! Shooting star! Woohoo!!! Hahahaha! Si Nante na hindi magising ng ating dalwang willing na boys jan... Yikee... Pati sa mga natira na nag-mass and lunch pa sa Max's... Haha! Ang Max's na outlet na walang chicken na available kundi spring chicken! Wala lang! Ang saya! Dapat next time, overnight na talaga sa beach or resort! and yung mga di pumunta, sama na!!! Syempre, Salamat din sa nag-plan, nabaliw-baliw dahil pa-iba-iba ang venue: Bea! Haha!!! Plan ka ulit?? Hehe, Joke lang! Thank you rin for accomodating us sa bahay mo! :) I'm sure we all had a great time! Nax!

besty's day

2006-04-21T11:18:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
ANNIE!!!

Alam ko namang happy ka ngayong eh!!!
Yikee!!!

A

2006-04-17T22:16:00.000+08:00

.05 na lang.
Leche.
Leche.
Leche.

SURPRISE!!!!

2006-04-09T10:32:00.000+08:00

Haha! Better late than never!

THANK YOU ALL so much for giving me such a wonderful birthday surprise!

Sobrang Salamat talaga... Sa mga nag prepare at pumunta (Aligs, Ayjar, Bodi, Jason, Darwin, Vianx, Mike, Joycie, Cheenee-who edited the video, Matts-ang cute ng cheer hehe, Nante, Dino, Benj, Kia and Bea) Sobrong thank you talaga. I didn't want to celebrate kasi pero you guys really made my birthday special. Thank you!!!!!! Ahlabshu all!!! Thank you na rin sa lahat ng nag-greet sa akin! XOXOXO!!!

FINALS

2006-03-19T00:21:00.000+08:00

DIRECTING FINALS: Salamat sa lahat ng pumunta at sumuporta sa akin (Bea, Arjay, Cheenee, Jason, Aligs, Bodi)!!! Hehe!! ang ganda ng mag gawa ng block ko, asteeeg!!! Special thanks to Bea and Jason for doing the documentation!!! Salamat!
BEFORE THE FINALS WEEK: Water war!!!! Asteeg!!! ang saya magbasaan!!! Hahaha!! Salamat sa masaya at basang hapon! Ahahahaha!!! (that doesn't sound good...) Salamat sa mga pumunta! Salamat din sa mga boys na nagpagod mag-igib ng tubig sa socsci restroom! Salamat na rin sa spectators!!! Next time sali na kayo! Ang saya grabe!!!
FINALS WEEK: May huling hirit pa ako, sa Wednesday (march 22), Thursday (March 23), Friday(March 24) sa Gonzaga 306 pa rin, 430 po, may play pa ako. Ako pa rin ang set designer pero this time, i'll be performing as a creepy doll... hehehe... Nood na kayo!!! Please!!!

FINALS!!!!

2006-03-07T14:07:00.000+08:00

Guys!!!! Lalo na sa mga bum na diyan (ehem ehem seniors) at sa mga hectic undergrads na gustong mag-relax nang panadalian from studying....
Kung free kayo sa March 15, 2006 ng 430-7pm,
punta kayo sa Gonzaga theatre (G-306).
Panoorin niyo naman ang aking directing finals... Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssseeee......
Relax muna kayo sandali a panoorin niyo ang finals ko...
It's for FREE!!!!

LAST SHOW OPEN

2006-02-27T21:21:00.000+08:00

The only show that is still open for

COMFORT WOMAN is on March 4, 2006, 7pm.

NOOD NA!!!!

Hey hey hey...

2006-02-14T00:49:00.000+08:00

Congrats sa Vollyeball and Women's Basketball game!!! Talo, pero ayos lang!!! Umabot pa rin sa semi's!!!!! Woohoooh!!!

Conrats din sa new council!!!! Woohoohoo!!!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S to everybody!!!!!!!!!!!! yehey!!!

What a happy week!!! Why don't we all celebrate by watching Comfort Woman???
Wahaahahahahahaha!!!!!

(Playdates are on the previous post.)

Ahahaahahahah!!! Hyper. Kape and yosi, my bestfriends!

Labo!!!

Ah, basta...

ahahahahahahahah!!!!

COMFORT WOMAN

2006-02-10T00:30:00.000+08:00

Please watch

COMFORT WOMAN

Directed by: Missy Maramara

Feb 17, 24 and Mar 3 at 7pm
Feb 18, 25 and Mar 4 at 2pm & 7pm
Feb 19, 26 and March 5 at 10 am & 2pm

at the Gonzaga Theatre (G-306)

tickets are at P150 each

text me at : 09228066562

noticing the bright side...

2006-01-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

wahahah!! now this is a first for me! haha... I'm learning...
Ang ganda ng araw ko:

Hindi ako late sa Philo. Finally!
Ang kulit ng mga kasama ko sa ALTP! Ang bilis ko daw magbigay ng sukli.. Oh Well! Di naman akon BM for nothing noh! Ahahahahaha!!!
Ang ganda ng FS kanina. Ang galing ni Fr. Manoling. Wala akong masabi. Tinamaan ako. Ang galing. I'm so glad I went. *Bow ako kay Fr. Manoling* (Diba, Ate Chinx?) Hay. Ang ganda talaga. Letting go. Self-giving. Infinite love. Life. Astig. Wow.
Ang galing ng ACIL boys!!! The susupense ha!!! And the winning shot!!!! WOOHOO!!! Galing!!!!!! Ahlabshu all!!!
Ang kulit ng 5 on 2 basketball game namin kanina!!! Cheenee, Ivy, Ruthie, Bea and me against Arjay ang Aligs with the cameo of Kim sa end ng game... The girls won!!! By one point!!! Wohohoho!!!! (Guys, bawal magrekalamo! We won!) Ahahahahaha!!!!!
Dinner with Cheenee, Ruthie and Aligs... (Cheenee, matulog ka na... Hehe) Kwentuhan lang about ACIL dati... Hay. Ang kulit. Enjoy sa concert girls! Pag nakatulog si Cheenee, galawin ang pilik-mata! Haha!!!

Hahaha!!! Ang saya ng araw ko!!! Astig!!! Minsan lang to!!!

2006-01-18T16:22:00.000+08:00

I was talking out of heightened emotions. I hope you'll be fine. Take care of yourself always. I'm just here. You know where to find me.

Don't make me...

2006-01-13T12:29:00.000+08:00

...hate you. I'd really hate it if I do.

Why are you trying to ruin my world??? Just because yours is, huwag mo akong idamay!

Mean. I know. Kaya nga di ko masabi harapan.

Namumugtong mga mata

2006-01-11T23:30:00.000+08:00

Nagising ka na ba isang araw, at sa pagmulat mo ng iyong mata, ilang mabibigat na katotohanan tunkol sa isang taong inakala mong kilala mo na ang sumambulat sa iyong mukha? Masakit makaalam ng mga masasalimuot na katotohanan, lalo na kung tunkol ito sa taong importante sa iyo, kadugo mo, kasama mo simula pa noong nasa tiyan ka pa ng nanay mo, mahal na mahal mo. Masakit. Oo. Masakit ito. Wala akong magawa kung hindi ang umiyak. Apektado ako. Oo. Sa hindi ko maipaliwanag na dahilan, apektadong-apektado ako. Masakit talaga. Daig pa ang sakit ng pambubugbog. Masakit sa loob, sa puso. Hindi ako makahinga. Wala akong magawa. Nangyari na ang nangyari. Gusot kong intindihin. Gusto kong maunawaan. Hindi ko maintindihan. Hindi.

January hell.

2006-01-04T23:00:00.000+08:00

Hectic ako buong month. Shyet. Yun yon. Hell MONTH. Isang buwan. Takte.

Communion Day
Scene study for Directing (interested performers tell me please... i need you)
Tech flying practical test
Floor plan for Comfort woman production (Bakit ko ba kinuha tong class na to???)
Costume designs for Comfort Woman production
Look for a seamstres for the costume designs (sinong may kilala?)
Fitting
Scouting for cloth
Scouting for set
Philo midterm orals
ALTP

Shyet. Seryoso. Kung gusto niyo mag-act or may kilala kayong mananahi. Please sabihin niyo sa kin... Please....

Caroling sa Antipolo!

2005-12-12T10:37:00.000+08:00

Ang saya ng caroling!!! Ang saya mag-road trip kasama ng mga ACILista lalo na kung mga bangag na at kanta lang ng kanta!!! Sobrang enjoy mag-jamming habang tinitahak namin ang madalim at sobrang lamig na kalsada pabababa ng Antipolo!!! Sobrang salamat sa mga pumunta!!! (Matts, Nante, Jason, Jeff, Aligs, Ge at Karen, 3cia, Kia, Yumi, Rachel, Rica, Chenee, Eric, Kim) Salamat salamat!!!

Lunok.

2005-12-07T20:43:00.000+08:00

Cancelling is one thing.

Not even telling you is ANOTHER.

Lulunukin ko lang. Cge. Hanggang kaya ko pa.

Lunok lang ng lunok, Michelle.

Hmm...

2005-11-17T23:02:00.000+08:00

Una, Salamat sa bestfriend ko for my new lay-out! mwah mwah mwah! Thanks Annie!!!

Pangalawa, ang masasabi ko lang ay: tinatanggap ko na. mahirap pero ginagawa ko. hindi mo alam. basta. salamat.

Pangatlo, reality bites. oo. lalo na kung bigla ka na lang ginising mula sa maganda mong panaginip.

Pang-apat, ano ang gagawin mo kung isang araw natuklasan mo na ang inaakala mong totoo ay hindi pala ganun? Nasa utak mo lang pala. Ginising ka ngayon para harapin ang masakit na realidad.

Panlima, tapos na. nakikita ko na ang totoo. bakit ngayon lang? hindi ko alam. itinanggi ko kasi sa sarili ko kaya ngayon ako ang sinsampal ng katotohanan sa mukha.

Blog

2005-11-14T15:48:00.000+08:00

Huwaaw! Iba na naman yung lay-out ko... Annie!!! Nasaan na yung links and tagboard?? Pati yung stars ko?? :(

Haha!

2005-10-27T07:22:00.000+08:00

Ang liit talaga ng space ko! Hehe! Nakuha ko rin ito sa blog ni Ate Chinx dahil nakita ko ito sa blog ni Rica and Bea... =)

Hihi

2005-10-27T07:20:00.000+08:00

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle.But you may be ready in a couple of years.You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

What's" Your Ideal Relationship?

2005-10-06T11:04:00.000+08:00

TUMATAKBO
MOJOFLY

Laging bigo laging sawi sa pag ibig
Minamalas o kay sakit
May balat nga ba ako sa pwet

Mabuti pa ang tindera sa aming kanto
Nakakaingit TL ang sweet nila ng
Kaniyang nobyo
Gusto ko lang maranasan umibig
Tamaan ni kupido
Gusto ko lang maranasan ang langit
Tumibok muli ang puso ko

Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako
Ng panahon
Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho
parang kahapon
Tumatakbo ang oras

May birthday cake ka nga
Ngunit wala naman kandila
May christmas tree na malupet
Wala naman dekorasyong pansabit
Sadyang ganyan ang aking buhay
Walang kasing tamlay
Ayoko sanang tumandang nagiisa

Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako
Ng panahon
Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho
parang kahapon
Tumatakbo ang oras
Tumatakbo ang oras

Tatanggapin na lang ba ang malupit
Na tadhana o kayay
Tatanggapin na lang ba na akoy
Sadyang hindi pinagpala
Tigilan na ang drama
Punasan na ang luha

Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako
Ng panahon
Di na nagbago bawat araw pare pareho
parang kahapon
Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako
Ng panahon
Di na mababago, bawat araw pare-pareho
Parang kahapon

Tumakbo, tumatakbo
tumatakbo, naiiwan na ako(3x)

History paper

2005-10-01T14:10:00.000+08:00

Bakit hindi ko magawa ang history paper ko???? Bakit??? Waaahhhh!!!!!

Bonding.

2005-09-28T16:54:00.000+08:00

Grabe. After almost three years ko sa Ateneo at sa ACIL, ngayon ko lang naka-bonding si Matts. After namin (Ate Chinky, Kuya Nan, Vicente, Benj, Rica, Matts) kumain sa Ken Afford, sinamahan ako ni Matts sa bahay. At yun. Siyempre kung dalawang madaldal ang magkasama, tuloy-tuloy lang kuwentuhan. Natutuwa ako sobra kasi ngayon ko lang naka-usap si Matts ng todo. Wala lang. Haha! Ang sarap kausap ni Matts. Angdami kong nalaman na mga trivial stuff about him. Hehe. Wala lang. Sarap ulitin! Ang saya ng hapon ko. :)

ulan

2005-09-24T20:09:00.000+08:00

For the first time, masay ang na-idulot ng ulan! Ang saya ng san mats-konsti bonding!!! 1 1/2 hours of running!!! Saan sa BOA orgs sa itaas ng mateo!!! Hihihi!!! Agawan base!!! Ang saya-saya!!!

Thank you.

2005-09-21T23:30:00.000+08:00

Salamat kanina MATTS. Salamat.

F.

2005-09-20T12:15:00.000+08:00

Theatre history test:
I. 20 points, analogy: 2 points
II. 10 points, tag team: 2 points
III. 30 points, matching type: 5 points
IV: Essay: 40 points: Hindi ko binasa yung 2 play. Hmm. Bola lang lahat. 20 points sigro
BONUS: 6 points: 0

WOW! Eto na ata ang kauna-unahang F ko sa isang history test.

Baka may isa pa, Hi 165: Walang nakatapos sa amin nung test... Hmmm... F nananaman.

Buti pa sa prod kahit scary si Sir, A ako... May excellent pa.

?

2005-09-19T14:55:00.000+08:00

Should I or should I not? Hay.

Kuya

2005-09-19T11:43:00.000+08:00

My brother's out of the ICU. Yipee!

Prayer

2005-09-15T16:35:00.000+08:00

I just learned that my brother was rushed to the hospital and is in the ICU. Please pray for him.

It's official

2005-09-14T14:40:00.000+08:00

It's official. This day just seems to get worse and worse by the minute. This day sucks.

I HATE DISKETTES

2005-09-14T12:18:00.000+08:00

I HATE DISKETTES!!! Last night, Kia lent me her laptop (thanks huni =) ) so I can do my two major papers. I finished them both at around 230 am. I was sleepy, so I turned the computer off and decided to make a back up file the next morning. So, when I woke up this morning, I turned the computer on and tried to open the floppy drive. "The disk in the drive is not formatted. Do you want to format it now?" F**k!!! Two major papers... Gone... Kinain nanaman ng diskette. NANAMAN. By the way, Kia... Thanks for lending me you laptop. Diskettes are evil. Bad trip.

party!!!

2005-09-03T10:57:00.000+08:00

Wahahaha!!!! Ang bilis ko mag-blog noh??? (Haha! Work mode na eh... Just sent my group paper) Finally, The first happy entry in this site for a long time na... Grabe, during the entire week, I was really looking forward to this pajama party and it was really great!!!! Salamat nga pala sa mga taong pinagtiyagaan ako habang lasing ako... (Matts, Kia, Bea, Benj, Aligs, Jaya, Nanan) Shirley! Ahehehe!! Sherwin, sayang you went home early... Salamat din pala sa mga taong nag-alaga sa akin (nagtali ng buhok habang... (kadidri!), nagpapainom sa akin ng tubig at nagbibigay ng lollipop sa akin). Thanks!!! I really had fun guys!!! We should do this again sometime!!! Salamat Kia sa mga inom!! hehe! You're such a great hostess! Grabe guys, Salamat talaga!!!

I feel better... This night turned my week around! I hope this aura continues na...

***I'm so glad. Thank you.***

Ano ba?

2005-09-01T20:41:00.000+08:00

Salamat Ate Chinky sa pagtawag mo. Pasensiya na at naubos ang load mo. Wala na akong matakbuhan.

Bugbog sarado na ako, ano pa bang gusto Mo sa akin? Anong kasalanan ko sa iyo para ganituhin Mo ako?
Bagsak na ako...
Bigayan Mo naman ako ng pagkakataong bumangon at pagalingin ang sarili ko.

Imagine, getting beaten up, you stumble as you try to stand up. You try to mend yourself because no one is there. you haven't eevn started mending yourself, once again, you are beaten up. This happens over and over again. Until you are weak. so weak that even a slight tap causes you so much pain and makes you fall on the ground.

Imagine the pain and the hurt, the frailty.

Imagine that, happening within you -- to your soul.

I just want it to stop.

Living

2005-09-01T17:42:00.000+08:00

AYOKO NANG GUMAWA NG PAPER. HAY. LIVE MICHELLE, LIVE.

WHY?

2005-08-31T20:51:00.000+08:00

This is surely gonna be a long one. I've been crushing deep inside. No matter how hard I try to be happy, it just wouldn't happen. I've been losing connections to the two closest persons in my life. Everyday, as I go home at my dorm. It always feels empty. Well, I am alone anyway. But that's not the "emptiness" that I feel. I feel void and null. I go to school, go to class, see people, see these two close persons and it feels ____. That's it. Lately, I always feel down and depressed. I lost the inspiration to even get out of my bed unlike how I used to jump off it, feeling the excitement of the new day. Now, i just want to stay at my place, in bed and hide underneath the covers, away from the world outside. Also, lately, i find myself wanting to talk to those persons but everytime I try to, words just refuse to come out. When i go home at night, I usually pass by somebody's place. When I'm there, I am able to smile and laugh and talk not about how I've been feeling though. But at least, within those few hours, I am able to smile again. That person doesn't know it. Siguro kaya ganoon.
I don't feel the connection I once had with you and you. i don't know why this is happenning all at the same time. I feel so lost and empty. I am such a mess once more. I don't know who to talk to anymore. The person i used to talk to... Well, it just doesn't feel the same way anymore. I feel like you don't understand me anymore. I cannot say what I feel anymore to you. I always find myself unable to express my deepest emotions to you, unlike before. That's why I miss the "first year you" too. I don't get it. As you've said, maybe we've grown. Sure, we have. it just feels like I don't know you anymore. I'm sorry but you don't seem as real as you used to. I feel like a wall has been set up and now I couldn't come as close as I used to. It feels sad because I know you're there but I couldn't quite reach you anymore.
As for the other person close to my heart as well. I have no idea what's going on. I've lost that connection too or at least, i couldn't find it lately, anymore. I know it here somewhere, but we misplaced it, i guess. I've been trying to reach out, you don't even see or feel it pala. Paano, no matter how hard I try, i couldn't reach it. I couldn't reach you. I don't know what to do.
I don't want to lose you both.
Someone just tokd me, "look at the bright side of things". That hit me. Why is it so damn hard for me to do so lately. I was once the optimist before. I miss it. I miss smiling and truly meaning it. I miss laughing my heart out. I miss the way I see the brighter side of things. I miss wanting to get up every morning. I miss feeling inspired. I miss the way the smallest of things make me happy. I miss eveything that I once was with the two of you filling up whatever void life has given me. I miss you both so much that it hurts so bad and no one can seem to understand the pain that I feel inside because even I cannot understand it.
I have a blackhole deep inside me and it is consuming me slowly. The pain it brings is unbearable. It hurts so much. No matter how much tears I shed, it won't go away. No matter how hard I try to feel happy, it just hurts even more.

***Don't let go.***

sleeping and waking up.

2005-08-22T12:06:00.000+08:00

I hate waking up the next morning feeling bad or horrible or whatever. That is why I hate sleeping in on a problem or when I'm still not at peace or depressed. I'm the type of person who needs to talk about things. Yup, extrovert. Ayokong tinutulugan ang sama ng loob kasi kahit na it prevents you from fighting with someone or lashing out or crying or pagdadrama, it makes me feel bad the next day. And I hate waking up in a bad mood. It affects how I deal with the day at ang bigat niya sa puso. Ayun lang. So kung may matarayan ako today, sorry... hindi ito PMS.

Hmmm...

2005-08-15T11:52:00.000+08:00

Ang tagal ko nang hindi nagsusulat dito... Ang hectic ko na... Wala rin kasi akong PC eh... RSF baby to... Hay... O nga pala, ATE TRICIA, salamat sa pagtulong mo sa akin. Ahlabshu! Hmm...
Ano pa ba? May test ako sa Theatre History tom... Included and oroginal text ng Midsummer Night's Dream... Isang part pa lang ito ng test. Wala akong kopya. Good luck Michelle. Kinakabahan ako sa test. Pati sa raffle... Somebody help me. Hmm... approval na ng actual costumes later sa class si Sir Bernal. Pag hindi nahanap yung designs ko ng actors, bago na naman. 14 designs yun. sana kahit kalahati may nahanap sila at i-approve ni sir... Hmm... ay, yung makette (miniture stage-- parang minutre building ng mga archi...) namain, mukhang maganda. dito lang ako naaaliw! hehe... ang saya gawin kahit na 6 hours ang nauubos sa kin dito... May progress na ang group ko... Oh no, history group paper, delayed sa sched na ginawa ko. Aargh!!! tapos, B lang ang second paper ko sa history. good enough kasi hindi naman ako pumunta dun (hehe). pero, compared sa first paper, mababa, considering my long test pa. 3, kailangan ko ng 3 this sem... kundi, goodbye ACIL na ko... Ay, shucks, may orals din pala ko sa Philo this week.... Waaaaaahhhh!!!! Wala naman akong naiintindihan sa philo. after each philo class, lumalabas ako ng na-rattle ang paradigm ko... So, technically, ginugulo lang ako ng Philo. Grabe, lahat na ng resources dito, gagamitin ko na- consultations, groups study, lumang notes ni Bea. Yun.
Hmm.. beginning pa lang ng week... And I'll make sure this day goes well!!! (hehehe)...
ay, birthday pala ng dalawang iggy and igi today! Mga younger brothers nina Kia at Bea respectively. Creepy noh? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

***Hmmm... Yun... Hahaha. Salamat.***

yet another LSS

2005-07-06T21:51:00.000+08:00

May I just share!!! Ang ganda ng kantang ito. Totoong-totoo. Grabe! I love John Legend! hay. yet another LSS... Ganda sobra! =)

JOHN LEGEND

"Ordinary People"

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

***Hay. Napakatotoo.***

hay.

2005-07-05T16:32:00.000+08:00

I'm such an emotional wreck lately. pasensiya sa mga issue na hindi naman dapat pinapalaki. Pasensiya ng sobra. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako ganito lately. Ako rin mismo naiirita na sa sarili ko. Will try to lessen this stupid emotional crap. Bad trip. Pasensiya na talaga. Sobra.

CGE LANG...

2005-06-29T09:57:00.000+08:00

Pressure here I come. Grabehan na lang... Para yata sa ibang tao, mukha yata akong isang taong may kakayahang gumawa ng milagro. Practicum ko na pala. Hay. Ang daming nangyayari. Ang dami talaga. Pero, sige lang... Wala akong kawala dito. Kaya, harapin natin. Good luck na lamang. Ang labo ko talaga ngayon. Ang labo talaga. Naramdaman niyo na ba yung pakiramdam na hindi ka maintindihan ng isang tao? Tapos ay wala ka na lamang magawa kundi magbuntong-hininga sabay tahimik na lang. Kailangan ko lang naman ng makikinig. Alam ko namang marami ka ring ginagawa. Di bale, ilagay na lamang ito sa notebook... Kung dumating ang panahon na ikaw at ako'y hindi na ganito ka-hectic at kung lumakas ang loob kong kausapin ka, kakausapin kita. Sa ngayon, marami kang kailangang pag-ukulan ng iyong oras at pansin. Hahayaan muna kita. Malay natin, lumipas rin ito at baka sanhi lang ito ng pagiging extra sensitive ko lately. Good luck rin sa iyo.

***Putting my life into order. Hay. Walang kapares.***

Empty

2005-06-17T15:09:00.000+08:00

I feel utterly empty today. That's it. I can't even rant.

MY BESTY!!!

2005-06-10T19:35:00.000+08:00

I LOVE MY BESTFRIEND!!!!

ANNIE!!!

ANG GANDA NG SITE KO NOH?!?

THIS IS COURTESY OF MY LOVING BESTFRIEND!

THANK YOU SOBRA!!

AHLABSHU!!!!!

ERUPTION

2005-05-29T02:14:00.000+08:00

I got fed up. Finally, I erupted. Sumabog na ako. Physically and emotionally. Hindi ko na talaga kinaya. The trigger was so petty kaya I looked so unreasonable. But no. I was fed up. Hindi ko na talaga nagawang i-contain. I was just so pissed and fed up.

I'm so sorry sa mga nadamay ko. Sorry talaga. Napuno na siguro talaga ako. I'm sorry, hindi ko sinasadya. Sorry talaga.

***I'm so sorry. Sobra.***

Ranting once more

2005-05-17T17:42:00.000+08:00

I need someone to talk to... Sana lang... I went on line today hoping that a good friend of mine will be on line too... So maybe, God wants me to be an introvert today. How awful. I feel down. I just feel down. I really feel down. Lintik ang kulit. Hay. Why am I like this. Yes, napakagandang tanong. At hindi ko sya masagot. Minsan naiisip ko, sobra na ang kaweirdohan ko. Dahil siguro limitado ang mundo. Bawal to, bawal yan. Leche, sino bang nag-imbento ng mga bawal? Oo na. sige na. ang labo ko na naman. Di ko lang talag kasi maintindihan ang sarili kong kalabuan. Bwiset. Ayoko na. Hay.

***Sorry.***

Ranting my head off

2005-05-15T17:45:00.000+08:00

May i just rant and let these thoughts flow out of my system.

Hay. i've basically transformed into an emotional little girl. Every high school friend of mine keeps giving me faces like 'you?-bato-ka-diba' looks. hey. so, i admit, cry babay naman ako eh pero being emotional, i guess, isn't a simple as being a cry baby. kasi pag cry baby, medyo mababaw, pag emotional, medyo iba ang gravity sa iyo.

Di lang yan, OA pa ang mood swings ko. Labo. Minsan iritating. Lalo na siguro sa napagbalingan. Kawawa. Hey, I do know when to say I'm sorry and admit my mistakes and blah blah blah. Pero, di naman siguro forever na lang ako magsosorry right after a (most of the time) really unreasonable mood swing. Kung may alam kayong cure, jeez, I'm all ears.

Teka, sakit nga ba ito?

Kasalanan ko bang minsan trip ko maghanap ng atensyon? eh, minsan feeling taken forgranted. Labo. Anybody naman siguro at one point feels this way. sana lang. kasi kung hindi, ibig sabihin may sakit na ko... cure, anyone???

Minsan feeling mo ang manhid ng tao sa paligid mo. After mo gawan ng issue dahil sa frustration, after ng peak ng iyong moment, takte. Ayun. Unreasonable ka pala. Bigla-bigla na lang nagtatampo. So, instead na ikaw ang nasuyo, ikaw pa ngayon. pero ok lang. kasalanan mo naman eh.

ang hindi ko lang maintindihan at sinusubukan kog intindihin eh kung bakit mrami akong ganitong pagkakataon. kay psych majors, kung gusto nyo ng thesis, i'm volunteering my weirdness. Kia? Anyone? Kia, ako na lang, project mo.

Hay. di ko lam kung anong gagawin ko. but oh well. what a day! Labo. as usual. Hay.

***cguro, i just wanted something special***

GALERA GALORE

2005-05-14T12:36:00.000+08:00

I LOVE GALERA!!!

***A Sanctuary***

KAY SAYA NG MUNDO!

2005-05-09T17:10:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, pagkatapos ng board meeting sa Ateneo, nakatanggap ako ng tawag sa aking cell phone... Si KUYA... Yes, my darling kuya... gusto daw niya kong i-meet that very moment. So, nag meet kami sa admin kasama si Kia at Bea... Irita pa nga ko nun kasi kala ko sinusundo na ko... Hehe... Ang sama ko tuloy... Pag park niya sa aming harapan, binaba niya ang bintana at...
BINIGYAN AKO NG REGALO!!! ISANG BRACELET NA TALAGANG NA-IN LOVE AKO!!!

Kaya, KUYA!!! SHALAMAT!!!! AHLABSHU!!!

eto pa, pinakita niya ang kaniyang mother's day gift sa aking ina at, relo ito... (hay! mga may trabaho nga naman...) Oh no, so naisip ko, patay nako... Wala akong pera, ibig sabihin wala akong regalo... *Isip isip* Umuwi na ko at lahat wala pa rin...

AH! (dumating na rin ang light bulb moment ko) Surprise breakfast! Sobrang unexpected yun kasi 430 am siya gumigising, at ako hehe... 10 am pa... At isa pa, mushy si nanay kaya... mas sweet ito! (Teeheehee) So, alarm ng 330, prepare...

Nilagay ko sa breakfast table sa labas ng kaniyang bedroom door with my vey own hand-made card...

So, pag gising ko... HUG ang sumalubong sa kin at thank you daw... Hay...

Pagkatapos ng lunch, umalis kami at nag-mall... si kuya ay pinapipili ako ng relo at earrings habang namimilipit ang tiyan ko dahil acidic na naman ako. Bwiset. Pero, ok lang...Ang extra pampered ko kay kuya ngayon, ewan ko kung bakit... basta, THANK YOU. I appreciate it sobra.

Pagkatapos, eto, kinakabahan ako mag paalam kasi pupunta na naman ako sa galera... hehe...
so, eto na... "Mama, pwede ba kong pumunta ng galera? overnight lang... blahblahblah..." Lahat na ng info sinabi ko sa isang hininga.. Tinitigan ako... (hay. grabe lang ang kaba ko)"Overnight lang ah.. Sige. Kelan ba yan?"

HAY! kaya ang saya ng mundo!!!!

well, mundo ko, at least...

I have NO IDEA...

2005-05-06T07:44:00.000+08:00

I have absolutely no idea on what to do...

What would you do when you're the one who's always in trouble and down?
When you're the friend who was always depressed because nothing seems to go right?
You turn to your close friend...
That friend has been comforting you, guiding you, giving you a shoulder to cry on, giving you time, listening to you, giving you words of wisdom, advise and assuring you that everything will soon be good...

And that happens for you...
You've found happiness, your storms have come to an end...
You still got the occassional rain showers but then, the long storm's finally over, so those rain showers you can take.
You're okay... Your life's going good or great...

Still that friend is with you. still listening to you. One great friend--always the shoulder to cry on, the person you can lean on, who's always got your back.

Now, the tables have turned.

That friend has entered the storm in need of everything that you received when you were in the storm.

But you have no idea how.

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW but I WILL.

Just like how you've helped me and stayed by my side.

I WILL.

ALMOST PERFECT...

2005-04-21T14:24:00.000+08:00

Broken Sonnet
Hale

And now i concede
On the night of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And now i will admit in this fourth line
That i love you, that i love you.

I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do
‘cause tonight i’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight i’ll be right at your side.

The clock on the tv says 8:39 pm
It’s the same, it’s the same
And in this next line
I’ll say it all over again
That i love you, that i love you.

I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do
‘cause tonight i’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight i’ll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.

I’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight i’ll be right at your side.
Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.

But still i see the tears from your eyes
Maybe i’m just not the one for you.

***eto muna...***

SURPRISE SURPRISE!!!

2005-04-06T09:52:00.000+08:00

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wahahaha!!!! eto ang aking reaksyon nang pumasok ako sa bahay ko sa sunrise ng April 2, 2005 ng gabi... pasensiya na sa mga nabingi.

Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, may nagbigay sa akin ng successful na surprise party. Sa buong buhay ko, simula pa nang naintindihan ko na ang konsepto ng surprise party, kinagiliwan ko nang gawin ito sa mga kaibigan ko... hehe... ang sarap kasing gawin... =) wala pang nagbigay sa aking ng surprise party, kung meron man, nalalaman ko rin bago pa mangyari... ngayon lang nagtagumpay ng wala talaga akong kaalam-alam. ang galing!

First time 'to...wow...

Kaya ako'y nagpapasalamat kina Aligs at Ate Cha na 3 pm pa lang tumulong na mag-ayos
kay Vicente na naglagay ng mga lawit-lawit sa ceiling ko
kay Patrick sa lahat ng hininga na binigay niya sa sandamakmak na balloon sa bahay
kay Benj na sinubukan din namang magpalobo ng balloon
kay Kuya na nakisali pa talaga (kahit na kung anu-anong ikinuwento sa mga tao)
at siyempre sa mga pasimuno ng surprise na ito...
kina Ate Bea at Kia... Holy Week pa lang nagpaplano na pala... Salamat sa thought, sa effort at sa pagod ninyo...
SALAMAT!!!!

Ang resulta nito... Waterfalls sa mata ko at siyempre isang malaking marka sa puso ko...

kahit na ayokong mag-bente, heto ako birthday na birthday at nagsusulat dito...

Dahil, ito na ang pinakamasaya kong birthday!

************************************************************************************************
Isang gabi
Isang pag-uusap

Matapos ang ilang buwang pag-iyak ng hindi alam ang rason
ilang buwang humanap ng sagot
sa mga tanong ng luhang ito

Matapos ang ilang buwan
Heto na't binigay na sa akin ang sagot na aking hinahanap
Ibunyag sa bisperas ng aking kaarawan

Mga luhang nagtatanong
Umagos ng may dalang sagot.

Sa lahat ng sakit at lungkot
tinumbok nito ang isang punto-

Pagmamahal,

ipinadarama ang lalim at bigat nito.

Aking naiintindihan kung bakit kailangan munang lumuha
Akala ko'y sakit, kasiyahan pala.

Loving someone is giving that person the power to hurt you. The more hurt it is that you feel, the deeper your love is.

Don't look at it as something cynical. It doesn't mean that you need to be in pain to say that you have loved or loving. It just tries to explain the pain that you feel if, by any chance, you were once hurt or still hurting. In loving someone, you open up, you reveal yourself, you take a risk and wtih these you become vulnerable, that is why you inevitably give that person the power to hurt you. Only the power to hurt you not the choice--this is different, this is abuse.

Funny how I learned and understood all these just as i turned 20 (yes, 20). I know that there is more to learn and i'm ok with that.

***The greatest gift of my life. All is said.***

FINALS WEEK!

2005-03-14T14:16:00.000+08:00

PLUG muna:

Hindi ko ito na-i-post dito sa blog dahil, obvious naman na matagal ko na itong hindi ginagalaw... anyway, salamat sa mga pumunta at nanood ng aking finals sa VMM...

Sina: ATE BEA, KIA, BENJ AT ALIGS...

SALAMAT NG MARAMI!!!

Sige, salamat na rin sa mga napaka-agang sina Bisente at Ate 3cia... =)

Anyway, Finals na!!! Tapos, bakasyon na!!! Woohoo!!!! HAHAHA!!! Yun lang!!!

GOOD LUCK SA ATING LAHAT!!!

***Salamat. Grabe.***

TO THE SWEETEST PERSON...

2005-01-28T19:25:00.000+08:00

By now, you should know who you are...

To my friend,

my sister,

my "shrink",

my counselor,

my shopping buddy,

my guardian,

my angel,

my family...

KIA ALLI

I am so glad I met you.

You're one of the truest friend in my life.

I can never say enough "thank you's" to you.

Your such a good friend, Thank you so much. Thanks for being there at both my best and worst times. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for those times that you listened to me. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for not giving up and forgiving me. Thank you for knocking some sense into me. I cannot list everything here. So, just... Thank you, girl! Thank you.

Words can never justify and explain.

Ang bagong LSS...

2005-01-09T21:17:00.000+08:00

I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS LOOKING FOR LOVE
By: Everything but the Girl

I was alone thinkin' I was just fine
I wasn't lookin' for anyone to be mine
I thought love was just a fabrication
A train that wouldn't stop at my station

Home, alone, that was my consignment
Solitary confinement
So when we met I was getting around you

I didn't know I was looking for love
Until I found you honey/baby
I didn't know I was looking for love

Cuz there I stood and I would
Oh I wonder could I say what I felt
And not be misunderstood
A thousand stars came into my system
I never knew how much I had missed them

Slap on my lap of my heart you landed
I was coy but you made me candid
And now the planets circle around you

So we build from here with love the foundation
In a world where tears' our consolation
Now your here there's a full brass band
Playin' in me like a wonderland
And if you left I would be two-foot small
And every tear would be a waterfall
Soundless boundless I surround you

***hay. di masabi.***

ANG HOLIDAY NA ITO.

2005-01-07T16:48:00.000+08:00

In a nutshell:

-> The latter parts of the caroling survived plus it was pretty amazing and great!
-> Ate Chinky's overnight was soooo splendid! GREAT FOOOOODDD!!!
-> I met up with my high school friends and did our annual exchange of stories updates and... gifts! HAHA!
-> My Christmas was fabulous! Hotel hopping...the mini bar...endless room service! Living the life!
-> Ooohh! I got to meet some nice new friends of a friend! =D
-> SHOPPING galore!!! This time, for myself!!!
-> Everything was going great when new year happened. On the dawn of Jan 1, around 130 am. My family and I were on our way home coming from my grandmother's place. Just 10 minutes away from my grandmother's place, there was an intersection, the light turned red as we reached the intersection. So, naturally we stopped, just right behind of the FX that was already there. With less than a minute, a ford pierra (?) smashed right behind us. Our car then smashed to the FX right in front of us. Sandwich. The car was a total wreck. Good thing, we all had our seatbelts on, even my two year old niece and my 3 month old nephew (he was in his carseat). The wreckless driver was drunk together with his drunk friends. The car wasn't even his and he didn't have a liscense, plus he even tried to run away. Good thing police officers were just there and witnessed the whole accident. The FX in front of us also had children in the car. The driver was drunk and he stepped on the gas pedal instead of the breaks. My dear cousin/besty picked us up and drove us to the hospital (just to make sure) and even brought us home. Thanks Annie!!! So, as my besty said, wear seatbelts. Don't drink and drive-just think of a 3 month old baby or two year old baby you could instantly kill. Hay. Way to start the year, huh?

***Thank you so much. Thank you.***

BIBIGAY NA ATA

2004-12-18T01:18:00.000+08:00

Konti na lang. Konti na lang talaga. Bakit ganito? Marami namang magagandang nangyayari pero hindi sapat para mapangiti ka ng isang buong araw. Bakit lahat hindi sapat? Bakit lahat ay parang kulang? Nasaan ba ang problema? Nasaan? Sa akin ba? Sa paligid ko ba? Ang gulo na. Hindi ko na yata kayang ayusin pa. Susuko na ba? Hindi ako quitter. Hindi. Yan ang binubulong ko sa sarili ko. Hindi sapat. Parati na lang hindi sapat. Paano kung ito lang talaga ang kaya. Intindihin sana. Kulang ako sa panahong nararapat. Ginagawa ko naman ang lahat. Inuuna na sa lahat. Ngunit hindi sapat. Wala nang puntong gugulin ang nakalipas na oras na nasayang, kaya sana'y maintindihan ang kalagayang, ginagawa ko ang lahat gamit ang kung ano mang mayroon ako. Ngunit kulang. Alam ko. Pero, hindi ko kayang ibalik ang oras. Hindi. Pasensiya. Nahihirapan na ako, sana'y wag nang gatungan pa. Ginagawa ko naman talaga ang lahat. Gusto ko lang talagang ilabas.

Isa pa, konti lang naman ang ninanais ngunit bakit ayaw pahintulutan ng panahon, ng mundo, ng mga pangyayari, ng pagkakataon. Konti lang naman. Minsan lang makiusap. Ito na lang ang siyang nakaaayos ng araw ko. Bakit pahirapan pa? Naiintindihan ko naman. Hindi talaga pumapayag ang pagkakataon. Pero, nakikiusap lang... Sana lang. Minsan lang. Eto lang ang tanging bagay na nagbibigay sa akin ng lakas. Ito lang. Pakiusap lang sana sa may kapangyarihan, ibalato na sana sa akin ito. Pakiusap. Sana.

Isa pa. Marahil wala na kong karapatang humngi ng pabor sa iyo. Pero siguro naman, alam mo ang kalagayan ko. Siguro naman. Konting pakiusap lang naman. Pero, alam kong walang karapatan. Pasensiya. Inakala ko lang na nandiyan ka. Iba kayo. Akala ko lang. Hinanakit ko'y hindi ko na mapigil. Hayaang ilabas ko na lang dito. Akala ko lang talaga. Akala ko rin alam ko na kung paano. Pero hindi. Apektado pa rin. Pasensiya. Alam kong walang karapatan.

***Hay. Yun lang. Hay.***

Hay.

2004-12-15T20:15:00.000+08:00

Mga tanong...
Kung ikaw ang umaabot ngunit hindi naman kinukuha ang iyong kamay, hindi ka ba mapapagod?
Kung ikaw and pilit nakikinig ngunit hindi naman pala nadarama, hindi ka ba mapapagod?
Kung ikaw ang lumalapit, ngunit hindi napapansin, hindi ka ba mapapagod?
Kung parating kang nariyan kung kailan lang niya ninais o kung kailan siya pwede, hindi ba nakakasawa?
Kung ang hangad mo lang ang mabuti, ngunit nagmumukha ka pang masama sa kaniyang mata, hindi ka ba masasaktan?
Kung may nakikita kang sa tingin mong hindi tama, tatahimik ka lang ba?
Kung pilit mong ipinaparinig ngunit hindi pinakikingan, hindi ka ba mapapagod?
Kung pilit kang lumalaban pero tapos na pala sa kaniya ang laban, hindi ka ba masasaktan?
Kung lahat ay ginawa mo na, ngunit naging pabigat ka pa, hindi ka ba masasaktan?
Lahat ay sinubukan na...
Ngunit lalo atang napasama, pabigat na yata...
o di kaya nama'y hindi naman nakikita nag tunay na hangad...
Wala namang hangad kundi ang kaligayahan mo...
Ngunit, hindi ka na makilala...
Hindi ka na maabot...
Masakit.
Lahat ng abot ng kakayahan, hindi pa rin ba sapat?
Masisisi mo ba ako kung ako'y maging bato?
Hindi kita iniiwan.
Hindi ako umaayaw sa pagkakaibigang ito.
Hindi ako ang tipo ng taong sumusuko ng basta.
Tatahimik na lamang at hahayaan ka.
Hindi ako aalis.
Tatayo lamang sa isang tabi at hihintayin kang bumalik.
Sana lang makita mo...
Sana lang nakikita mo...
Hay.
*********************************************************************
Hay. Ang drama ng buhay. But no! Itiigil ito... Hahaha! =D Dahil nailabas ko na, huwag nang isipin! Dahil masaya ang araw ko! Masaya ang araw ko! Wahahaha!!! Lahat may paraan. Lahat. Basta gusto. Hay. Yun lang. Hay. Maganda ang araw kahit wlang tulog at heto nanaman ako, walang tulog! Oh! HAPPY day!!! Wahahaha!!!! \(^.^)/

***Ta amayo contigo!***

PASENSIYA

2004-12-04T11:50:00.000+08:00

Allow me to tell you again how sorry I am. Don't say you have no right to get mad, because you have the every right to. My mistake. My bad. Put in the same situation, I would react the same way. You seem to tell me that it's no big deal but for me it is. Payagan mo kong "magdrama". Maybe you need time. It is pretty awkward. I don't know how to deal with this kasi first time lang kitang nakitang ganito. But I must warn you now, I will be very stubborn dahil susuyuin kita hanggang kaya ko. With just a couple of days of literally not hearing from you, believe me, I've felt so down and lost. And I still do. You've heard this before but I won't get tired of telling you how sorry I am. You are one of the truest persons I've ever met and the greatest. I treasure you and our friendship so much. You are one of the few people I've shared my entire life with. You've seen me at my worst and I really thank you for that. I'm telling you now, I am not about to give you up. A mistake I made, I will pay for but not with the cost of losing you. You are far too important for me to give up on. Dude, I love you way too much to let you slip away. Don't let me lose you. Again, I am sorry.

I'M BACK...

2004-11-09T22:54:00.000+08:00

Grabe, tagal ko nang di nag-popost... Hirap na i-recount lahat in detail...

Sem break was really great. Had a lot of fun experiences, thanks to Zamboanga! This trip was so great. I got to meet new people and gain new friends, ride the motorcycle for the first time and I learned a LOT - from teaching skills and a hint of Chavacano, Bisaya and Bicolano... O diba?? Basta, this is one trip I surely would NEVER ever FORGET!

Ok, still on with the good stuff... when I got back home, my grades were good and my dear Kuya wasn't mad ... So understanding. hay.

Second sem just started... Busy. Busy. But I love my course classes!!!

The other side:
Hmmm... mistakes happen. Sometimes, you tend to do things thinking that "that" was the best way to go. Hindi pala. Instead, it didn't help you at all. Sometimes, something hinders you from doing something leading to something, well, not that good. Clueless ka. Clueless. You had no idea and now, maybe you have, but still you're confused. You don't know what to do. Open ended. Ganito na lang ba parati? You're sorry and willing to do anything. Is it too late? You still don't know. You don't know if everything's still okay. Reach out. Make-up. Nothing...Nothing at all.

***Give me a chance***

SEM BREAK!!!

2004-10-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

It's over!!! It's finally over! Sem breaek, we finally meet!
WOOHOO!!!

HOW TO END THIS SEM!

Celebrate!*
Drink, Play cards, and Bond!
Wake up the next day and go to Puerto Galera!!!

Just after the very last finals, we drunk some grape-tanduay tandem (credits to Mike for the nicely made drink. Hands down, dude!) We played cards and took shots of the drink (Joycie, thanks for going back for me...Hehe.. You know what I mean.. =D). I miss you, girls!!!

The very next day, Puerto Galera, here I come!!! OK, swim, magpaanod sa dagat (literally! Hahaha!!!! Annie, let's do this again!!!), get totally drunk, which in turn made you do some very weird stuff (like calling someone for instance, and telling that person a lot of things you wouldn't normally say), wake up the next day, crawl into this dirty, rocky, petit cave, climb rocks, and discover a jaw-dropping, awe-strucking paradise you've never seen before, all to yourself. Then go home with reality facing you again. Credits to my ever loving kuya who made this trip an all expense paid trip for me and my besty, annie! Kuya, you're the bomb! Thanks!!!

Start pa lang ng sem break, what's next for me?? Well, after my weird farewell to my Kuya, ZAMBOANGA here I come!!!

After 6 days in Zamboanga, then I shall face and answer my Kuya's questions.

***GIGIL***

PLUG!!!

2004-10-11T13:59:00.000+08:00

PLUG!!!

love6tints
(love sick stints)

acting 101 recital 2004
six_scenes_of_infatuation_and_obsession

OCTOBER 13 and 14
6:30 pm
FINE ARTS THEATRE
3rd floor
GONZAGA HALL

TICKET PRICE: P50.00

To get tickets: comment here or text me at 09228066562

In dire need of your support!!!

Lost

2004-10-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

10 pm...I realized I left something at school. Important. By impulse, I grabbed my keys, wallet and my jacket. I walked as fast as I could through the street, overpass, ctc garden, PIPAC, up to Batibot, with nothing in my mind but the hope of finding "IT" still there. Got it. Thank God. Then, with my sanity back, I realized, I don't wanna pass by the ctc garden again. So, I walked through the sidewalk going to gate 2.
The one topic I was avoiding crept its way through my mind. Walking slowly, things sank in. Stay. Don't leave. Or have you? I don't know how to reach you, give me a clue. Give US a clue.
Upon reaching the gate leading to the overpass, I mindlessly climbed each step, slowly, carefully. I reached the middle, I stopped and just stared, looking up at the end of the steps. Thoughts. *BEEP*
A big car in the Katipunan road put me back to my consciousness. Again, I climbed the steps eagerly. I don't know why but I was expecting someone to be there, waiting for me. But no one was there. I was just faced with another set of stairs going down to the other side. So, I continued walking, reaching the other side of Katipunan. As I was going down, I looked back at the stairs at the other end.
There's something about about that stairs. It always pulls me to this weird dimension.
***My way***

Ano ba?

2004-09-29T00:34:00.000+08:00

Ang hectic talaga ng mundo. Bakit kaya? Ang daming ginagawa. Ang daming requirements. Marami pang sumasabay. Ang dami ko nang iniisip. Baka mag-shut down na yung utak ko nito. Bakit ayaw makiasama sa akin ng mundo? Ngayong bingyan ako ng pagkakataong gumawa ng paper (Salamat, Kia...), ayaw gumana ng utak ko. Nakakairita naman. Hectic lahat, alam ko. Kanya-kanya muna. Kanya-kanyang requirements na dapat tapusin. Meeting dito, meeting diyan. Deadline dito, Group study pa sa tabi. Papers, projects, practice. Ang lupit. Sana ma-balance ko naman. May plan of action na ko. Eto na lang ang tanging paraan na naiisip ko. Huwag matulog ng literal. Kaya ko naman yun ng isang linggo eh. Sakit lang nga nag uwi ko pagkatapos. Kaya yan. Alam ko kagagaling ko lang sa sakit, pero, this time, pagdating ng Friday, uunahan ko na. Iinom nako ng Biogesic bago pa man ako bisitahin nito. Kaya yan. Konting Psychology lang nag kailangan. Ayaw ko na. 18 days of hell pa. 18 or 17. Ewan. Tama na. Sana matapos na to. As lahat. Grabehan. Ngarag nako. Sige, paper na nga.

***Saka na***

New song:DAMAGED

2004-09-27T22:21:00.000+08:00

I found the lyrics!!!
Ate Chinks!!! May bago na ko, after "Confessions"! =)

I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes
Don't always say, what's on my mind
You know that I've been hurt, by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time

[BRIDGE]
And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
Cos I don't want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you

[CHORUS]
My heart's at a low I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged

I might look through your stuff, for what I don't wanna find
Or I might just set you up, to see if you're all mine
I'm a little paranoid, from what I've been through
Don't know what you got yourself into

And I really really really care (And I care about you so much)
And I really really really want you (I really do want you)
And I think I'm kinda scared (But I'm scared with every touch)
Cos I don't want to lose you (Cos I don't want to lose you)
If you really really really care (If you care for me like you say)
Then maybe you can hang through (Then maybe you can hang through)
I hope you understand (I hope you understand)
It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you, you)

[CHORUS]

***song***

Ang ka-weirdohan ko.

2004-09-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt so lost in your world? One minute, you know everything about it and everything's fine, then the next, you're completely lost. Why is it that things sometimes get out hand? No matter how you control it, it just escalates. What do you do when your world is thrown into complete chaos. What if one day, you wake up and everything's just not the same? How do you deal with it. How do even know who to talk to? Things happening all around you and you just cannot keep up. You stand there, not moving, for you have no idea what to do. Things happen around you and you just keep still. You do nothing but then you're the one who looks bad. What do you do when you get blamed for something that you didn't even do? You get so frustrated because you have no idea and the harder you try to get some answers or the harder you try to clear things up, the more confusing it gets. You have nothing but speculations. People would then advise you not to think of it anymore. So, what do you do? Do you remain still and just let your image be soiled upon? Do you let them continue thinking what they want when it's wrong? You try to get on with your life but you can't help the fact that your world remains in chaos and that people continue on misinterpreting you. Do you just let all these happen? It gets you so frustrated when you had nothing to do about it and suddenly your right smack in the middle of things. You have no solid and concrete knowledge in your hand for they try to confuse you even more. So, now, you don't really know what your role in this stupid problem is. Maybe, you weren't involved in the first place and now you are and you had nothing to do with it. Or maybe you were, you were just dense or denying that fact. Or maybe, you weren't really a part of it and now you look so stupid. But then all you have are maybe's. So, you try do what you think is practical-you ignore it, since you have no idea if your involved anyway. So, why dwell on it? It's a waste of time. But why do you feel that you are? You can't help the fact that now, things would never be the same again. It's such a confusing situation to be in. So, forget it. But something pulls you back into that black hole that you have no idea if you even belong there. Don't you just wish you can shut down your entire world even for just a short while?

***don't mind me***

!

2004-09-21T22:27:00.001+08:00

Today officially is the MOST IRRITATTING day of my life.

Why do these things always keep happening when I have a lot to do??

I feel so stupid and frustrated.

God, people.

Pagod na ko.

Ano ba??

***!!!***

Sunny days are gone.

2004-09-20T10:12:00.000+08:00

Fun. My days of fun are technically gone. The main reason why I asked Kia to go out last friday was because by today, I'm hectic. All the way to finals week. My sunny days are over. Up until finals week, these are what I have to do:

Final paper for acting due tom
Meeting for Acting class
Two ethnographic papers for SA 21 due on the 28th
Proposals for ACIL week due later
Paper for Hi 18
Film viewing for Hi 18
Final project for FA 101
Final project for theo
Long test for theo
Long test for SA
Group presentation for Sci 10
Orals for Sci 10
Finals for PE (requires hours of practice)
By October, my day would always end at 730 pm for our finals in Acting
Finals for Sci 10, Theo, History, of course, everyone knows those are comprehensives.

So, what am I doing now? I am supposed to be typing my Acting paper right now. But I just have to rant. I know you guys have a lot to do too, but I just have to rant. Sem break, where are you???

***Help me??***

Me and myself.

2004-09-18T11:07:00.000+08:00

Sept 15: Shout-out to Nicolo for helping me figure out a place! Also, to Aligs! This was so G-R-E-A-T! Santa came in early for me and made some of my greatest wishes come true! Don't mind if YOU* wanna drop in again! I love life!

But all good things must come to an end as Sept 16 dawned on me... There it was, the inevitable, theology was bound to come and I can't do anything to stop it...Haay...

So did Sci 10, the very next day. Yesterday, I failed Sci 10...AGAIN. I didn't understand half of that test that just seems to get harder and harder by the minute. Haay...

Good things: The first ever caroling practice was relatively good. We can do this peeps! We shall help each one out! Oh, and it was really so nice that Ate Millette came!!! We misssssss you po!!! Plus!!! Kia and I went out! Last night was great! We watched the Terminal and up until now, Kia's still probably deciding if she liked it or not... We also had coffee at our favorite coffee place: Coffee Bean! I love this place! Not to mention the people** (cough cough) we saw there!! Haha! This night turned my awfully bad day into something great! Although, we did MISS our other one-third there! *wink wink*

***UNREASONABLE AKO***

Sunny days...

2004-09-14T22:31:00.000+08:00

Free-cut ang acting class ko kanina. Laking weight nawala-3 hours! =) Happy day! Kanina, while waiting for a friend, I decided to fix my sched, hectic na pala. 2 papers by this week (I just finished both!!!!!), a long test by the end of the week, another quiz there, next week, papers again, tests again. I don't know why, but I didn't feel any panic. I should, right? Well, at least, tapos ko na yung papers for this week. My day is practically good. Ang saya. Rare moments of happiness! I just hope that tomorrow would be way better! Hope lang! =)

Yun lang! I shall start another paper! Due for next, next week! Oh, no! Am I turning into a geek???
Hindi noh! Inspired lang! =) Ang weird ko na! Ang saya!

***My Reason***

LAGNAT

2004-09-13T23:26:00.000+08:00

May sakit po ako nung Friday. Bigla-bigla na lang. Out of the blue, pagka-gising ko, 'ni hindi ko na magawang pumunta sa CR ko. Sa mga taong nakapunta na sa dorm ko, yes, ang lapit lang nun sa kama ko. Pinag-pilitan kong wala akong sakit at nag-cold shower pa. Sinong may pagka-tanga? Anyway, after the shower, collapse. Hindi na ako nakapasok till History. Sci 10 na lamang at area. But no, tulog ako sa sci 10 dahil sa Tempra at ayaw akong papasukin sa bus nina Aligs at Kuya Mike. Ayaw din ni Elyoo. Umuwi na daw ako. So, I did. Natulog at nagpasundo kay Kuya ng early Saturday morning. Come Saturday, Kulang na lang, kargahin na ko ni Kuya palabas ng Sunrise. Pagdating sa bahay, super ngarag. Buong Saturday inalagaan ng aking mahal na ina at pinakamamahal na Kuya. Astig. 39 going 40 na pala yung temperature ko nung Saturday. After 3 weird drugs-I'm back on my feet! Galing ni Kuya! =) Salamat po sa mga concerned na bumisita, naghatid at nagtext. I'm tats!!! Kilala nyo na kung sino kayo. Mwah!!!!

*ALAGA*

Oh, and by the way...

I CARE.

My weekend and thanks...

2004-09-08T13:38:00.000+08:00

I just had the BEST weekend ever!!! I got to spend some time with the Angels and Mike early that Saturday afternoon... It was so much fun, huniez!!! Eating, watching a movie together and just hangin' out! Too bad it was a bit short... Nevertheless, I felt so happy! MWAH!!

Next stop: My highschool barakada... After my wonderful afternoon with my two Angels and Mike, I went straight to Mega Mall and met my barakda for Monica and Nelly's birthday celebration. We ate, hung-out, then...Biglaang overnight! Grabe! Ang daming revelations and all that...I can't believe ang dami na naming di alam sa isa't-isa. So, people told what was going on with their lives, some were funny, some were tear-jerking and yet some were just plain shocking. I had so much fun and I really missed you guys a lot! We should find time and do this again...soon! I love you guys and I'm always here for you!

People!!! Thank you for soming to my scene showcase! I really appreciate it!!! Thanks to those who came!!! Namely, Joycie, Kia, Elyoo, Aligs and Kuya Jay!!! Thankies!!! Next, whole prod na...watch it!!!

***BATO DAW***

Light days

2004-09-03T13:52:00.000+08:00

My day today was typically lighter than the previous ones except for some little bumps throughout the day.

THE BAD THINGS:

I was doing my grocery during my 3- hour break. Got some stuff, lined up, handed down some plastic money. But no! The stupid line is busy daw!!! Grrr. The cashier asked: "Ma'am, busy po yung Visa, may Mastercard po ba kayo?" Anak ng tipaklong! Wala akong ibang card and I'm producing this long line because of that line being busy. So, sige, cash na lang, but wait. 600 lang ang laman ng wallet ko, 1077 yun. Patay. "Um, pwede ko bang balikan. Withdraw lang ako...?" "Cge po." Okay, mabilis lang naman, nandiyan lang naman ang Equitable diba? But no! 7 pa yung nakapila at yung girl sa harap ko, nag-limang transactions pa! Oh, well. Balik ako. Kahiya. Kuha ng grocery. Uwi.
Nakatulog ako, muntik nang ma-late sa theo and I forgot my cellphone.
My bestfriend and I arranged this dinner but nung malapit na, may konting naiba. Hmm...Sanay akong planado ang lahat. Konting tampo, but oh, well...I wanted to see her anyway.

THE GOOD THINGS:

My day wasn't as hectic!
I have lots of food! I got me some Lindt dark chocolate!
My afternoon was great.
I finally got my SBC VIP card! (Kia, as promised...I shall treat ya there!)
My dinner turned out to be great, as well!
Tomorrow, I only have one class!!! Free-cut ang History at Sci 10!

***MAGNET***

The most HECTIC day...so far...

2004-09-01T12:37:00.000+08:00

I got to school by 730 am, I needed to type my theo HW. I was done before 830, so then I went to the ACIL room while waiting for my 9 am class. Yun na yun. When the clock strikes at 9, dire-diretso na ko. 9-1030: SA 21; 1030-12: practice (natapos siya ng past 12); past 12-130: some rest time and lunch; 130-3: Theo; 3-430: my only break na wala talagang gagawin; 430-730: Acting I. Whew! Grabe! What a day! Although, I must say acting class was really fun today! Ang saya-saya! It was so funny! My tummy was literally hurting because of the funny things that happened in class! And guess what?! This was our lesson for today! Something about actor and co-actor stuff... Basta, it was so funny!!!

Question: What do you do when you accidentally deleted a VERY important text message?? As in, yung tipong nakakahiya na pag pina-send mo ulit?? =,( KAINIIIIIISSS!!!! Ang careless!!! *sigh!*

PLUG:
People!!! It's my second long test for my acting class...

I'm in NEED of AUDIENCE!!!!

Please come!!!

Sept. 7, 2004; 430 pm-around 630 or 7.

Gonzaga, 3rd floor

**To those who came before for my monologue, punta kayo ulit.

This time, it's by partners.

Unlike last time, I would be opening na--first kami!

Punta kayo ulit, PLEEEEAAAASSSE...

Same time, same place!

THANKS!!!!!!!

My GGGRRREEEEAAAATTTTTT Satruday!!!

2004-08-31T09:30:00.000+08:00

Okay, it's the end of the week and you've got no money. Eksakto na lang na pamasahe pauwi. Then, kuya texted. "Punta ka ng Makati, dali." Hmm. Kuya, wala akong pera. So, what do I do? Galawin muna ang pang-laundry dahil minamadali ako ni kuya. So, I go, in a cab, to G4, where my kuya would meet me daw. We went this thing then, hmm, ayaw pa daw niya umuwi. "Merienda tayo." Kuya, I only have 20 bucks in my wallet. Eto, ang solid na sagot ng pinakamamahal kong kuya: "Ano ka ba? Ako nang bahala sa 'yo." YES!!! Astig talaga ni kuya!!! Nilibre ako...hanggang DINNER with matching yosi (di ako nagdadala pauwi--Mommy alert)and COFFEE to boot!!! Kuya, nakaka-ilang entry ka na dito!!! Basta, I LOVE YOU, grabe!!! Ang bait mo!!! You always got my back covered! MWAAAAHH!!!

Eto pa, what do you do when wala kang magawa at....???
Basta, eh, di talk to SOMEONE! =)

yet another rainy day...

2004-08-27T13:40:00.000+08:00

Slept at 3 am, still it was raining...but I studied theo to make sure. The rain wasn't that hard, anyway. So, I slept, intending to wake up at 730 so that I can make it to class on time. I was still in dream land, when my cel rang...I woke up, my mind still trying to focus and my hands trying to figure out where my phone was. OK, got it. Not even looking at who was calling, I just talked. "Hello?" GOOD MORNING! What a wake up call. Wala na namang pasok! Walang theo!!! So, anyway...nag-sink in...and so... may down side din naman.
Haay! Basta! Ganun na yun!
Ang hirap ng ganito!
Ewan!
Bukas kaya, may pasok?

stormy blessing

2004-08-26T13:35:00.000+08:00

Okay. I slept at around 1 am, woke up at 5 to study for my dear, sci 10. Finished at 7 so I decided to take a nap again and wake up at 8. It was raining the whole time, but I didn't care. So, when I woke up the second time around, it was still raining. I turned on the radio, as usual. After taking a bath, it was announced, Ateneo suspended classes--grade school. Oh, well... better get on with my life. By 9 am, I was out of the house, no tricycle wanted to give me a ride. So, I walked. Pagdating ko sa kanto, oh no! baha! Nice. I didn't know what to do. I need to get to school--I have a test. Then, one tryc driver shouted: "Wala nang pasok ang Ateneo, miss! Wala nang madaanan!" Ako naman, "Huh?!" So, then, balik sa Sunrise, tawag sa mga tao and yes, all levels walang pasok. YES!!! Pagkatapos kong mabasa (may payong ako nyan ha!!), walang pasok. Ok lang. Walang test, walang PE at wala ring practice. Ang saya! Then, I realized, hey, I'm stuck at home. Hindi pa ko nag-go-grocery. Uh-oh. Plus, something happened pa during that morning that really made me feel bad. AS IN, na-BAD-trip lang talaga ko. Ngarag. But anyway, when the rain died down a bit, Kia texted, so, I decided to meet up with her (Thanks for sharing your grocery with me!!!). We were supposed to watch a movie (I'm really sorry!!! Babawi ako, promise!), but then my family forced me into meeting them at Eastwood. So, of course, I followed... And, guess what???!!!!

My dear Kuya BOUGHT me a component!!!! And... dig this: It's got a mini TV with it!!!! All in one!!! Radio, TV, CD and VCD!!! o, diba??? Astig!!!! It's sooooooooooo C-U-T-E!!!!!!

KUYA!!!

Thanks so much!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU GRABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!

THANKS!!

I LOVE YOU TALAGA!!!

Happenings

2004-08-24T14:05:00.000+08:00

My Saturday was so much fun! We had lunch and later that evening, dressed up and watch A Midsummer Night's Dream, and much later surprised Ate Bea plus the overnight. I don't want to recount every single detail anymore. Basta, this night was the best night! Plus, I've already done the recounting at the PPCIL blog.

I was cramming two papers last Sunday and I just found out it wasn't due up until September 28...Nice. Oh, well! Isn't it so obvious how I intently listen to my teachers??
So, anyway, I have a long test tom...I haven't studuied yet...Obviously, coz my face is stuck in front of the PC...
Grabe, this morning, I felt like barfing and my head hurt so bad. I don't know why. This only happens when I skipped a meal, acidic eh...pero hindi naman eh, kumain naman ako. Good thing Kuya Mike was there, stupid anemia na naman. He told me what I needed to do. Grabe, seems like dumdalas 'tong lintik na anemic attacks ko. Damn. So, then, I was okay. The day went on, and then my classes were over. I love Foxtrot, by the way...
I had to go to SM and Kia was kind enough to accompany me. (Thankies!) I had to get my shoes fixed and my keys duplicated. Then, I got myself frustrated because of the seven pairs of shoes that I wanted to buy. My mom didn't allow me to use the card. Oh, well...Okay lang yan.

I feel weird right now. I'm neither happy nor sad.
Nakakainis when you can't say the things that you want to say. I'm so caught up with people not understanding me.

Grabe, it's just Monday and I feel tired already and heavily frustrated.

Masks

2004-08-21T02:06:00.000+08:00

I was listening to Kuya Nanan and Ate Bea's conversation yesterday about emotion and fear and pain and vulnerability... I think they were arguing about something that hit Ate Bea. (Check her blog: www.beatots.blogspot.com) Kuya Nanan was trying to answer her questions on how we always hide things or why we can't just say what we want or express how we truly feel. Ang ganda ng conversation. I was just listening. They were talking up until we reached my place. Bakit nga ba? Kasi nga we don't want to remove our masks. Because nobody wants the feeling of being vulnerable-open to all kinds of harm. Who wants to be hurt anyway? Our mask is our security zone-shield from all those unpleasant experiences that would hurt us. What struck me wasn't the arguements presented by both parties. What struck me, is the fact that we ALL have masks. Everyone has it and we are not comfortable in removing it. Because it exposes us. We become vulnerable. Nobody wants that. When we are vulnerable, our guard is down. We become prone to everything, most especially pain and hurt. Fine. This is part of loving-a part of life. But this is something that people wouldn't invite, right? Masks. Another thought that hit me. If we all have masks, then NO ONE would REALLY know anyone fully. Not even the best of bestfriends. Oo nga naman. Ikaw lang. Kung ano yung kayang mong ilabas-yun lang yun. It's pretty sad. No one would know you truthfully. Kaya nga, only YOU would only know you. That's why there will come a time that people or friends wouldn't understand you. I was debating on this. Kasi, friends are supposed to understand you. Yun DAW ang true friend. If I judge a friend this way, then wala pala akong friend. I don't like this conclusion. After a month of debating this on my head, I found my answer-it is because of a freaking mask. So, then, my friends are true friends, they just don't understand me because I have a stupid mask on that i wouldn't want to remove, by the way. Kahit sa true friends, you still are on guard. It's a fact of life, I guess.

"Trust no one but yourself. All else is but an illusion."
-Bless the Child

Don't take this as a cynical view on life. Ang point lang, there would always come a time na nobody would understand you because the only person who knows you, truthfully, without your mask would be YOU.

FACADE
Extrovert
In so many ways
Not in my own problems
I tell what's on my mind
Sometimes, being too blunt
I try to handle things
On my own
Not wanting to be a burden
To anyone
Branded as a counselor
By everyone
I solve people's concerns
Listening to everyone
My own stays here
Unsolved
Accumulating
Breaking down in a corner
Only witness is God
Laughing with everyone
No one notices
Sotlitary worker
Helping everyone
Always thinking-I can solve this on my own
In reality
I guess I need all of you
Scared of everything collapsing
Everything shattered
One by one
Holding to a single post
Now collapsing on me
Don't want to be buried in debris
Now, I cry for your help.
-08/18/04-

Trigger

2004-08-18T16:10:00.000+08:00

Her laptop broke down-my diskette stuck inside. I have to re-type everything. All my hard labor stuck to a collapsed laptop. My paper, that i finished on time, went down the drain. Now, I wasted an hour or so, re-typing stuff when I could've spent this time interviewing Joycie for yet, another paper. But no. Re-type everything. Four pages. This triggered it. Wala na. Lahat ng naipon ko-out. Napuno na naman ako. Frustrated and at the verge of breaking down, I went home. I'm such a cry baby. Aargh. Yosi-salamat. I was able to control it-YES! There was a knock at my door. (?) Kuya Rean. Act normal. Uh-oh. He noticed. With a simple pat on the back and the words: "Miggy, you don't look okay." My eyes turned into waterfalls. I cried in the middle of the day. Thanks Kuya Rean. Not asking any questions-just sitting there with me.

An angel came to the rescue, by the way. Kia, thanks for letting me use your precious laptop. Twice na ko na-rescue nito.

I had the inevitable talk kanina. Man, you're too good to be true. Ang bait mo, dude. I'm still sorry, anyhow.

Why do these things always follow me around?
Di ba ko pwedeng tantanan?
Bakit kailangang overlapping?
Bakit kailangang saby-sabay?
Hindi ba pwedeng maka-solve muna ng isa bago sapawan at dagdagan ng bago?
Wala bang recovery time?
Hindi ba pwedeng sunod-sunod as opposed to sabay-sabay?
Nasaan ba ang container ng sama ng loob?
Bakit parang ang liit nung akin?

*Pagod*

Quotable Quotes

2004-08-17T13:41:00.000+08:00

I have gathred some Quotble Quotes that have affected me... Yun bang tamang tama...

In love is the temporary emotion. Love is the will.(Ate Hazel, Kuya Koonce, Ate Chinky &Sherwin)
If you don't grow together, then there's no point of continuing this relationship. (Kuya)
It is the Journey rather than the Destination. (...)
Low times are there to make the high times worth it. (...)
Love is such a curiousity. (You-Tara Maclean)
Pain is part of happiness. (Another Used to Be)
Live for the moment. (...)
Life is simple. It is us who makes it complicated. (...)
Life is not all sunshine. It is through hurt that we learn. (Ate Chinky)
There is no sense of holding back, it's hard to move on--but possible. (Kuya)
The simplest explanation is usually the best of all explanations. (Fr. Javellano)
Balance. You must have balance. (...)
It's not the problem. It's how you handle things. (...)
Move on. You'll live. You've lived before he entered your life, right? (Kuya)
Playing safe is not living at all. (Kia)
Experience everything that you can experience. Just be sure you'll learn from it. (Kuya)
Wala yan sa haba ng panahon. Nasa kung paano mo ginamit yun. (All My Life)
When you want something so bad, the whole world just seems to conspire. (The Alchemist)
Trust no one but yourself. All else is but an illusion. (Bless the Child)
I want you to be somehthing I can't deny. (Ate Bea-galing yata sa song...)

*I'm sure naman tatamaan ka ng kahit isa diyan...

PLUG:

Try nyo "Cello's doughnuts and dips"!

Weird flavors but delicious...

(Aligs and Elyoo***)